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Seething Cakes of Hatred

Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Friday, May 25, 2007

Cupcake Picker Upper

I have been asked to pick up the cupcakes for Juju's wedding on Sunday. I have awful images of slamming on my brakes at a stoplight and dumping the wedding dessert all over the floor of my truck. What if I fall while I'm carrying the cupcakes into the reception hall? What if I am just really hungry (and drunk) and eat all the cupcakes before I get them to the party?

This will be an amazing weekend. Juju was my roommate after I split with my partner. She was my counselor and my confidante and my source of strength and hope during those early days of my scary new single status.

I've seen her grow so much over the years. And she is marrying a man I love with all my heart. I'd be marrying him myself if he was into that. Metro is all heart. He is more than just a fun guy to hang out with. He is a friend who takes care of me and always makes sure I know how much he loves me.

To see such powerful people uniting in marriage is just amazing.

I went and tried on my tux today. Frankly, it looked so good on me that I wanted to marry myself. I am already very sexually active with myself, so it probably makes sense to go ahead and take the leap into marriage.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Triangle Hero

My friend Superman is now starring in his first YouTube video. If you have played Guitar Hero and enjoyed it, you'll love Triangle Hero.

You may recognize Superman from his work on the Portland stage. He was hilarious in the fabulous play I wrote, Spud Toppers. He also toured with Scotty Iseri, so maybe you caught him in that show.

Question: If you adopt a child and then decide it is not working out, can you put the child back up for adoption? No, I have not adopted a child, but I would like an answer to this question just in case I ever decide to try it someday.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Shocking Vegas Update

I'm back from Vegas, and I still have $100. To me that's like leaving a party when there's still Maker's Mark in the bottle, but somehow I managed to do it.

One of my favorite things about Vegas was the pillow talk. Now, I know this is sappy, but I haven't talked quietly in bed with someone for well over a year. But on this trip I shared a bed with Superman, and at the end of the first night we talked for a few minutes in bed. I told him a short anecdote from my past - a very inconsequential story signifying nothing - but in the dark of night under the covers it felt like a profound secret shared only by the two of us.

Before you freak out - no, I'm not in love. I am just saying that I miss pillow talk, and I didn't realize I missed it until Friday night.

Just like I didn't realize how much I missed the Portland rain until I returned from the desert last evening. We were greeted by a gloriously cool evening and refreshing raindrops falling from the sky.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Vegas, Baby

I'm heading to Vegas, but not without giving you something to keep you entertained...

Pony and I just recorded Show #40 of the Todd & Pony Show. Watch for it soon.

Even if you don't listen to Show #39 (why wouldn't you?) you gotta go read the show notes written by Zeroes. (He's such a cutie, isn't he?) Check out the website here.

See ya next week!


Monday, May 14, 2007

Dude, Where's My Post?

I've been horrible about updating Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven, and I offer my sincerest Alex-Baldwin-Don-Imus apology.

First things first. Let me say that I absolutely LOVE the Toddtender. He doesn't care for my referencing other bartenders in Portland, so I need to state, for the record, that he is still my favorite.

Also - this weekend The Handsome Prince and The Math Whiz had their wedding. It was awesome. Everybody cried, everybody laughed, everybody got drunk (I hope - I don't wanna be the only one....)

Pony was the wedding DJ. He was fantastic. All that training as a Second Life DJ must have paid off.

Hi Pam! I was glad to see you at the wedding. You are such a hottie. I'm sorry I didn't mention you before now. I'm glad you read the Toaster Oven, and thank you for telling me at the wedding reception that you want me to keep blogging.

Tying up all my loose ends here - - trying to think of what I haven't mentioned yet. This weekend I'm going to Las Vegas for Metro's bachelor party. Can you imagine how much fun that will be? I practiced tonight and won 20 bucks playing video slots at the bar. It is important to train if you are going to gamble in Vegas!

Life is good. Assume that if I am NOT blogging it is because I'm having a blast. Oh, and check out the latest Todd & Pony Show for more incredibly fascinating details of my life. We had a special guest this week. Juju was there, and we gave her a big surprise!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Cocktail Recipe: The Pony

Pony ordered me a drink tonight at the bar, and it was so amazing I have to share it with you.

It's a Lemon Drop with Absolut Vanilla instead of Absolut Citron. Try it. It tastes like key lime pie. He likes it with bitters. I like it without bitters.

We don't know if there is already a drink recipe with those ingredients, so we are pretending he invented it. YUM!!!

More in-depth reporting on the important issues of today will be posted soon. Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven is your source for what's happening in the world!!

Monday, May 07, 2007

Thank You Painters

I walked home tonight and turned the corner to my apartment and was surprised to see a big red building in place of my drab tan apartment building. They painted the building today. I was so surprised and so happy.

I love my apartment so much. I can't express how much I love it. Maybe the fact that I was in a cult for 3 years and lived with way too many men at once and shared everything (like Jesus and his disciples did) and never had a place of my own....

Shortly after I came out I was snagged by a super hot actor and became his partner and promptly moved in with him. We had a cute bungalow in NE Portland and lived together for 7 years. Then I moved in with Juju. Then I moved in with The Handsome Prince. Then I moved in with Auburn Pisces. But now it is just me, me, ME. My place. My bedroom. My home. I absolutely love it. My one bedroom apartment with beautiful, although slanted, hardwood floors and french doors off the bedroom is wonderful!

Tonight I visited my friend Zeroes at the bar where he works. The sun was shining and the garage doors were open at the bar so fresh air and spring breezes wafted through the bar. It was wonderful. I felt as if I were having Berry Vodka Lemonades at a resort beach bar. Zeroes is a good, good person. He is very important to me.

I felt like I was cheating on CC Slaughters, but I needed to break out of my routine, and Red Cap Garage is the place to go on nice days! The weather in Portland was amazing today. Everyone in this town was so happy. Imagine if you lived in a city where you had 6 months or more of rain and gray skies everyday and suddenly were blessed with a sunny day and 70 degree temperatures. It was heaven.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Not Dead Yet.

Today I was playing World of Warcraft (I watched the sun rise over Kalimdor - it rises in the Northwest - isn't that weird?) and everything froze up while I was flying over the Blasted Lands. Then a blue screen appeared. I thought it was The Blue Screen of Death that I've heard so much about. But it wasn't. It was definitely a blue screen, but apparently it wasn't the one of DEATH.

My first thought was, "Oh my god. My computer is broken. I can't blog at work, and now I can't blog at home. It's over. Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven is over."

Can you imagine a worse situation? Nobody would ever again be able to hear about how much I love Donny & Marie and Heinz Ketchup and Asian men. There would be no more updates about my passion for The Rock. I couldn't share my thoughts about being alone (not lonely, swear to God...), and I wouldn't be able to blather on and on about meaningless self-doubt and minor weight-loss victories.

Maybe I am cynical tonight. The truth is that this blog means almost nothing anymore. I received an e-mail from a friend far away who said, "I notice that your blog has changed. Actually, I noticed it last fall already, and chalked it up to Toddy gettin' motivated and doing stuff and generally taking control. In my mind, I saw montages with peppy background music - Toddy leaping out of bed in the morning, the covers fluttering to the side while he energetically brushes his teeth, gets dressed, and jets off to work with a piece of toast in his mouth; Toddy typing on his manual typewriter and ripping a finished work of prose out to hand it to his eagerly-waiting editor while the credits stop rolling ("Sit, Ubu, Sit!"), Toddy laughing with friends during lunch, Toddy laughing with friends at the bar after work, Toddy on the elliptical trainer, falling over comically when the gorgeous personal trainer smiles at him and checks him out, Toddy going home to prepare a fourteen-course meal for his friend Auburn Pisces (okay, that last one isn't real). Funny, having read your blog for going on three years, it is as interesting for what isn't there as for what is."

There is so much that isn't here anymore. I have gone inside myself. My friends are noticing it, and my readers are noticing it. I suppose I have as much to say as I ever did (virtually nothing of significance) but I feel so selfish lately. I don't want people to know where I am or what I'm up to. All the things that are on my mind feel so private, and I am way more protective of myself than I ever used to be. Part of me yearns for people to really know and understand me. The other part wants to hide in the shadows. Is this what "becoming your own best friend" is like?

It is kind of cool and kind of sad at the same time.