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Seething Cakes of Hatred

Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Wires and Dreams

The answer to yesterday's "Educate the Idiot" contest was picture wire. Who knew?
Thank you Jess (and Pony too, who actually came over to my house to analyze the problem).

Last night I had a dream that I was competing in American Idol. I was one of the final three. My competition was Danielle, winner of America's Next Top Model cycle 6 and Amy Beers from summer camp when I was 14.

Danielle and I shared a touching moment where we hugged and cried and I told her what an honor it was to compete against her. I knew I would win though, because she admitted on America's Next Top Model that she really couldn't sing.

I was also very excited to find out I was going to film a special segment with Martha Stewart. She was going to teach me how to sail a boat.

Unfortunately, the alarm went off, and I had to get up for work, so I will never see what happened with the Martha Stewart segment. But I am pretty sure I beat Danielle and Amy Beers from summer camp and became the next American Idol.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Picture Hanging

I think one of the hardest tasks in the world is hanging pictures. I don't understand how to do it.

On the back of a frame I was hanging yesterday are two small triangles. Apparently you are supposed to align those triangles with the nails on the wall. However, you can't see the triangles, or even reach them, when you are holding up the picture to figure out where to hammer in the nails.

I sort of managed to hang my autographed headshot of Alison Arngrim (Nellie Oleson on Little House on the Prairie), but it seems like there must be an easier way than just a blind trial and error method.

I am at a loss as to how to hang pictures. That is why my walls have been bare for over a year.

And don't even get me started on shelves. I want to hang some wall shelves but I am terrified of the process.

I am happy being single, but at times like this it sure would be nice to have a handy boyfriend!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Happy Halloween

Thank you so much for all the kind comments and e-mails! You all are the best.

The Todd & Pony Halloween show is up now! Julie joined us and told us all about some haunted places in Portland. We got a call from a celebrity. And then I conducted a scary seance.

You can listen at the website or you can subscribe through iTunes and listen on your MP3 player.

If you would like to attend the podcast in person, we are selling tickets for $300. You can come to the Pony Palace and sit on the couch in our studios and watch us record the show live.

I have not told Pony about the $300 thing yet, but I think he will be all for it.

Today we're recording the show for next week. I am so excited for the show, which will come out on Friday, and I think you will love it too. More about that later.

Again, thanks for supporting me and encouraging me last week!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

My best friend is gone...

My best friend, Bonkers, died yesterday. He was an amazing being. So much love and so much joy packed into a tiny furry little body.

Patty Griffin - RAIN

Sometimes the hurt is so deep, deep, deep
You think that you're going to drown,
Sometimes all I can do is weep, weep, weep
With all this rain fallin' down.

Strange how hard it rains now,
Rows and rows of big dark clouds,
But I'm holdin' on underneath this shroud,
Rain, Rain, Rain...

It's never rained like it has tonight before...

I loved you so much, Bonkers. The way you did a little tap dance in the kitchen when I put your food into the bowl. When we went on our two-hour walks on Saturday mornings, man you were psyched. You loved it!

I will never forget the night you had your teeth pulled. The vet overestimated your strength, and he pulled over a dozen teeth in one day. You were hurting so badly. You slept in my arms and when I woke up in the morning I saw your blood on my sleeves, and I knew your night was miserable. I cried for you. If I could have taken away your pain that night I surely would have. But I am thankful that I had the chance to hold your little warm body close that night.

Yesterday, your pain was horrible, so it was time to let you go. I didn't want to say goodbye, but I could not bear your suffering, so you were released into eternity. I hope that you are free of pain and suffering now.

Bonkers, you taught me to be happy and enjoy life. You celebrated life, and you made me smile and laugh more times than I can count.

The world is very dark today, since you are gone. Thank you for showing me the way of joy and light. You were an amazing being. I love you and always, will.

You are my baby.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Gay Wizards and Waffle House

Of course Dumbledore is gay.

Anyone with gaydar could have told you that.

Oh, and Kid Rock was arrested after he fought with someone at a Waffle House. I think that if I am ever arrested I would want it to happen at a Waffle House. How perfect.

Or a K-mart. Yes I definitely want to be arrested at either Waffle House or K-mart.

Stay tuned to Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven for the most important news stories of the day. If it has to do with wizards or waffles, I'm all over it.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

You're still in the running...

Several lovely bloggers stand before me. But only a few of you can remain on my blogroll to the right. I had to make some cuts. A few bloggers have gone away. Bloggers sometimes kill their own blogs (murderers), so I had to delete a few inactive links.

The good news is that some of my links just needed to be updated because blogs moved. So to those still in my blogroll, congratulations. You are still in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Blogger.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Computer Trouble

I am finally learning how to post videos to my blog. It was incredibly easy. What was I so afraid of?

French and Saunders make me laugh. I adore them. Enjoy!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

2 Cakes and a Kiss

On Sunday night The Handsome Prince made a pineapple upside down cake for my birthday. He also cooked up some short ribs that would have made Paula Dean jealous. Delicious!

On Monday night I was at CC Slaughters for Pub Quiz, and Tim the Toddtender brought out a birthday cake with candles. Everyone at the bar sang to me, and I made a wish that came true the very same night. What an amazing kiss...

The only down side was that I had to wear a tiara. But if The Toddtender says I have to wear a tiara, I'll do it. In fact, give me the scepter and ermine cape while you're at it. He followed my instructions and bought me a wonderful scented candle for my birthday, which is exactly what I asked for.

Pony gave me a magical card that grants me free merchandise from IKEA. Tack so mycket, Pony! Let's go shopping!

Juju and Metro, the happy newlyweds, gave me a ticket to a dance performance, but I don't remember the name of the show because I only got to hold the ticket for a couple seconds before Juju snatched it back and said, "I'll hold onto this until the show so you don't lose it." She knows me too well.

Monday, October 08, 2007

9:43 p.m.

Do we have to rush this whole turning 41 thing? I mean, I wasn't even born until 9:43 p.m. that October evening in Kansas City, Missouri. The years seem to be going by faster! Something must be done about it. Perhaps if I reflect on birthdays past, I can forget about the one I'm facing today....

My best birthday party ever was when I was 5. My parents bought me my very own kiddie slide projector, and I had a robot cake, and my cousin Denise was at my party. Denise was at least 10 years older than me, and she was so cool. She had long hair like Marcia Brady, and she wore hippie clothes.

Once when I was in grade school my birthday fell on Columbus day (just like this year) and we go the day off from school! That almost never happened.

I don't know what it was about turning 20, but I remember crying quietly in my dorm room the morning of my 20th as my roommate slept. There was something so sad and dreadful about not being in my teens anymore. So dramatic and silly. I wish I could tell my 20-year-old self, "Dude, you have no idea what's ahead. Please relax and chill out. And just wait till your 36th. Life will give you something to cry about!"

For my 30th, my friends threw me a big surprise party with a yellow brick road and Wizard of Oz cutouts. This was the year I went on the Planet Hollywood/Greyhound Bus lines Wizard of Oz tour. I have never been as surprised as I was that year.

My worst birthday was when CT and I ended our 7 year relationship. That was the big 36. We were about to go to dinner when an honest conversation happened in the kitchen. So instead of having a birthday dinner, we just broke up. Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven was started a few months later. I hoped blogging would help me deal with the pain. (That's a lie. I was hoping I'd meet guys.)

Juju threw a great party for me in 2003, but what I will always remember is the birthday present she gave me that year. Juju got ahold of my address book and contacted friends from my past and present, asking them to contribute to a book she was creating. She compiled wonderful e-mails, pictures and letters from friends into a book and presented it to me at the party.

The front page of the books says:

This book is for you.
These words are about you, from people who love you...You are so well loved.

Every year on my birthday I like to start my day by reading some of those wonderful words from people who love me. Here is something my friend Kathy (from my college "Mad Sheep" days) put in that book that I read this morning...

Congratulations on reaching another birthday milestone. I find if I measure my life by the friends I have rather than the years I'm clocking, I can be overwhelmed by joy instead of grief!

Wow. It really does go fast. I don't know if I really understood how fast time goes until I hit 40. But Kathy really helps me to put it in perspective. Why measure the years? I want to measure my life by my relationships.

Tonight at 9:43 I will take a moment to say thanks for my friends. The people I've loved and hugged and kissed. The friends who have made me laugh. The friends who let me cry. My life is very full of joy, and I am so thankful.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Brothers and Sisters

Last night our Pub Quiz team won the first quiz at CC Slaughters. We were The Streeps, and the theme of the night was Saturday Night Live. We split the pot. (Money, not weed.)

The best part was that we each got a copy of Brothers and Sisters, season one, on DVD. I have wanted to see this show since it started but haven't had the chance. Now I can watch the whole season. I just love doing that - watching an entire season over a weekend and having no commercial interruptions. This will be fun!

Pub Quiz is a fun game and goes way beyond just standard trivia. It creates great interaction with friends and turns a night at the bar into more than just drinking and casual chatting. You get to know people better. Who new that my friend Matty had so much knowledge about SNL?! And Tiara Desmond is one of the smartest people I know, because all our answers matched. The Toddtender seemed to excel at questions involving fashion, sex or drugs. And while I knew random stuff like questions involving Yiddish or Gwyneth Paltrow, I failed miserably at identifying my own birthstone. I was sure the October birthstone was pink (rose) quartz. Thankfully, Matty stuck to his guns and wrote the correct answer - opal.

Speaking of birthstones - in less than one week I will be 41. If you don't believe me I'll show you my driver's license!

Hot Toddy at 40