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Seething Cakes of Hatred

Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Sunday, January 18, 2009

DJ Pony - Obama Victory 2008 Mix

If you aren't getting enough of the Inauguration coverage, here's a great video accompanied by DJ Pony's Obama Victory mix.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

How to Fold a Fitted Sheet Like a Pro

Nope. I still can't do it.

I wish you could have seen me yelling at this guy to SLOW DOWN as I tried to follow along at home.

It is amazing the things I find myself doing (or attempting to do and failing) now that I am unemployed.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Must. Have. Culture.

It is a sunny day in Portland, and I don't have a job so I am off to the Portland Art Museum in an attempt to erase my memory of Ryan Seacrest attempting to high-five a blind man on last night's American Idol.

Television is killing my brain.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Possible new jobs for Hot Toddy

1. Fireman
2. Tooth Fairy
3. Taylor Swift back-up singer (only on the song "Love Story" since I don't know any others)
4. Lottery scratch-off ticket player
5. Television remote control tester
6. Television critic
7. Television star
8. Vodka tester

Must come up with more ideas.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Visiting The Parents

I am so happy to see my family. It has been a year since I've been home. Although I've had only a short visit this time, it feels like plenty of time.

Yes the bed is comfortable and, no thanks, I don't need another blanket. I'm not hungry right now and, okay, sure, I'll have a glass of water - no, water's fine. Plenty of light for reading thank you, I'm fine and - okay - sure you can just turn on that lamp. Oh that's better, and no I don't need another blanket. Please don't turn the heat up, I'm kind of warm already. Oh the ceiling fan? Okay, sure. Wow that is really loud, I don't think I can sleep with that on. Ear plugs? No thanks, and I don't need a cold washcloth or a sandwich or a cup of hot chocolate or a hard cider (although a nice bucket of Maker's Mark sounds good right about now) I think I'll just head to bed, and thanks but you don't need to throw in a load of laundry for me tonight. Okay see you tomorrow. Good night Mom and Dad.

I sure love them a LOT. I really do. And I am really happy I'll be in my own bed tomorrow night.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Happy Freakin' New Year

About time 2008 went bye-bye. There is much to look forward in 2009...

So, my blog got derailed a couple years ago due to a serious lawsuit involving a friend and my former employer. My not-so-serious blog somehow became a serious witness or serious piece of evidence or something, and I came under serious scrutiny. Seriously. One day a co-worker who worked for an upper-level executive whispered to me, "be careful...they are watching you..."

How scary and James Bond-y!!! So I went under deep cover and kept writing under the pen name David Sedaris. I wrote "When You are Engulfed in Flames" under that name - perhaps you read it? Okay, not really. I didn't go under deep cover and keep writing - I became a scared little child and trembled in fear and started posting You Tube videos instead of thoughts and words from inside my head and heart. You understand that I had to do it, right? I had to play by the rules in order to keep my job. So I played by the rules 100 percent. I did the right thing. I stopped blogging.

As a reward for following the rules I was laid off in October. Actually, the job officially ended on 12/31 for me and 27 other souls at Company X. We were all assured it was not a performance-based decision. And it most definitely had nothing to do with blogging (a more liberal blog policy was recently put into place at Company X). No, we're just 28 more victims of this wacky zany recession.

The good news is that I finally feel I can blog without paranoia. (I know of a couple people who were fired for blogging at work - and I knew people were scrutinizing my blog so I pretty much stopped writing altogether.) I don't put "Hot Toddy" on my resume, so I think I can remain anonymous to a certain extent.

Anyway - I am looking forward to the next phase in my life. Who knows what will come my way? No, really. I'm asking. Who knows? I'm sure one of you out there has gotten wind of my storyline for 2009. Do I get a great job? Do I find a great man? Does the island somehow get moved back to its former location so Jack and Kate can find it? (No, you're wrong. LOST definitely IS part of my storyline - if you saw how obsessed I am....)

So I am sitting here with a piece of Nicorette parked between my gum and my cheek and am really happy to be back on the Interwebs. It will be fun to have the freedom to write again without fear of beheading, termination or syphilis. Look for more real soon.