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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Give it Time

Well, the bad news is that I am no longer allowed to blog from work. A couple weeks ago our company handbook was revised to include a decree that employees of my beloved wonderful life-saving corporation (we're not allowed to criticize our company online) are no longer allowed to use company systems to blog. And we are not supposed to write about the company or employees of the company.

I don't want to write about my job. How stupid. Who cares? They give me money for showing up and working. My job has so little to do with my life. But our company expects its employees to live and own our mission. Never, ever do I lay in bed at night thinking about how I will live and own our mission tomorrow. It is my job, not my life.

Whatever. The downside is that I can no longer write blog posts at work. From 9 am to 5 pm I am supposed to just live and own our mission. Fine. I can live with it. While I'm at work I will live and own our mission and never ever blog, because that would be WRONG. I actually really like my job and my company, but I am sad that they see the need to set these new limits. Sometimes the freedom of writing a blog post at work was the only thing that kept me sane. Now I will have to find other ways to maintain sanity.

The good news is that I will only write when I actually have something to say. It is highly unlikely that I will come home from work after a long day of sitting at my computer and feel compelled to sit down at my home computer to spend even more time typing. Nope. Not gonna happen.

But I will still write when I have something to say. And tonight I have something to say. My dear friend, The Handsome Prince, is getting married next month to his partner, The Math Whiz. They sent me the most beautiful and artistic wedding invitation. I absolutely loved it.

Also, Juju is getting married next month. She and Metro will be married at the end of May, just 2 weeks after THP and TMW celebrate their union.

You would think that seeing two of my best friends marrying within a few days of one another might be too much for this lonely single romantic man to handle. But, surprisingly, I am feeling incredibly ZEN about the whole thing.

Tonight as I made macaroni and cheese for myself, and right before I poured a glass of white wine (from a box) and prepared to watch American Idol, I called The Handsome Prince.

"When I get married, I want to have a wedding invitation exactly like you and The Math Whiz sent out. That was amazing and creative and beautiful."

Surprisingly, to me at least, I feel no jealousy in my heart. I envy my friends for their good fortune in finding a love and a soulmate to share their lives with. But, honestly, I just don't think it is my time to have a partner. Someday I know I will be the one sending out invitations. But in 2007, my role is to be the friend who throws a memorable bachelor party. My job is to be a wonderful bridesman to Juju (yep, I'm a male bridesman) and to party with her fiance, Metro, in Vegas next month. My time is coming, but my time is not here.

It is amazing to me that I am enjoying my life as a single man so much that, in spite of all these wonderful weddings, jealousy has found no place to take root in my heart. I never thought I could be this content to be alone. But I am.

I guess I am living and owning the cause. And the cause is me.

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