Older

I'm 40 now. That is like three 20-year-olds put together. As I reflect on that fact, it occurs to me that I would like to put three 20-year-olds together and have a four-way with them. The trick is finding three 20-year-olds who want to be with a 40-year-old man.

Pony and I shared our birthday party this year, and we rented an amazing house on the Oregon Coast. But, because of occupancy limits and vehicle limits, we could each only invite 5 people. That was hard. Now I worry that my friends who weren't invited will feel like they didn't make "The Top 5" list. Isn't that stupid of me? We'll see how it goes.

Thinking strategically, I chose 5 people who I knew would cater to my needs.

I chose one friend who can cook (The Handsome Prince), one friend who makes great margaritas (Auburn Pisces), one friend who sleeps with me sometimes (Willie), one friend who makes me laugh (The Math Whiz), and one friend who is my personal sex therapist and counselor (Juju). It was like being on Survivor and having a chance to be team captain in choosing my own tribe.

Juju couldn't make it due to illness. I was really disappointed, but it was beyond anyone's control. She asked me today how we can celebrate my birthday here in town, and I don't know how (or if) I really want to do that. In a way, I'd like to let this whole turning 40 thing blow over. Let's just pretend the birthday never happened.

Before I left for the coast, my mom sent me an e-mail warning, "Please be careful of sharks." God, I love my mom.

I shared laughs with my friends, we drank heartily, played canasta, ate birthday cake, swam in the indoor wave pool, sat around the fire pit, listened to the waves and ate fabulous food.

In all honesty, the highlight of my birthday this year was walking through the door of my apartment on Sunday evening and soaking up the silence. I let out a deep sigh and lit some scented candles. Then I made myself something to eat, put my feet up, engaged in some sexual self-gratification, watched a little television and played World of Warcraft. At the end of the evening, I knew that I can take better care of myself than anyone else can, and I said out loud, "Happy Birthday, Todd".

I crawled into my comfy bed by myself, turned on a fan for "white noise", and I quickly fell asleep very happy to be with the one person who loves me more than anybody.