Pack Rat

I hate moving. I hate it a lot. I hate moving more than I hate answering my office phone only to hear that annoying shrill fax sound that indicates some moron is trying to send a fax to my phone.

But I am almost done.

Thanks to The Handsome Prince, Toddtender, Juju, Metro and Pony, my cozy one-bedroom apartment is full of my stuff. And by full, I mean overloaded. The floor of my apartment is sagging.

Why do I have a framed Donny & Marie album (New Season), and where am I going to put my poster of Laverne & Shirley with The Fonz?

Do I need an entire shelf of Japanese snack foods and other unidentifiable products? I mean, sure the packaging is super cool, but maybe I should put something else on that pantry shelf. Like, food that I'll actually eat, maybe.

I'll have to install some shelving to display the fun gifts my friends have given me over the years. I have the little reminder to always "Be Relevant", which Guru Stu sent me. Metro's mother gave me a Ken Doll of "The Handsome Prince". She repackaged him as "Hot Toddy's Handsome Prince" and covered up Barbie's face with a picture of me. It's so creative and makes me feel loved. But will any man want to spend the night with me if he sees that I have a Ken Doll? Not to mention my "Little House on the Prairie" video collection. Which I just mentioned.

Metro, not to be outdone by his mother, gave me a Payne (Final Fantasy X-2) action figure. My friend Lizzie gave me a Jesus action figure. I can't just keep this stuff in a box under my bed! But where will I put it all?

Maybe I can get rid of a couple boxes of props from shows I've helped produce. My sketch comedy group, The Exotic Actors Guild, required lots of strange props (laser guns, wigs, an American flag, and a "Kiss My Ass" lunchbox), and I haven't been able to part with any of them. Who knows when I might want to wear my "Swiss-Land" tank top again?

I have a box of games for the iMac that CT and I bought. (I pointed at it, and he paid for it - so "we" bought it.) Even the local software store that buys used computer games won't purchase them since most gamers prefer PC games.

The good news is that if I actually decide to throw anything away, there is a dumpster three stories below my window. I already practiced throwing a full garbage bag out my kitchen window, and it turns out my aim is pretty good. It landed smack dab in the middle of the dumpster. True, the people living in the two apartments below mine may have been a bit startled as a bag of trash flew past their kitchen windows, but that is the price they have to pay for getting to live in a building with Hot Toddy.