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Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Thank You, Ms. Karma!

Thanks to this incredibly thoughtful Christmas gift, my whole life is about to change.

1. I will never again have to call The Handsome Prince to ask him if I have to wash ground turkey before I cook it.

2. If The Handsome Prince Hotline can't be reached, I will never again attempt to rescue the chunks of meat I am now washing down the drain, only to pack them into tight hard patties before attempting to continue washing.

3. I won't have to call Juju/Willie/Apollo/The Math Whiz to ask if Tuna Steaks have to be cooked the same day I buy them.

4. From now on, I will know how long it takes to hard-boil an egg. My old method was to just wait until the shell exploded and egg started poking out.

5. I won't try to use thin-sliced deli meat when a recipe calls for a "cutlet" which, to my surprise, does not mean "little slice".

6. When bringing a dish to a party, I will be sure to prepare something edible. Now that I know sweetbreads are the thymus or pancreatic glands of a young animal, I won't try to make sweetbread cinnamon rolls for a formal brunch.

7. The renter's insurance policy I purchased recently in case I hurt (cooked for), maimed (cooked for) or killed (cooked for) someone in my home may not actually ever be used.

8. Chives, shallots and scallions will no longer be interchangeable in my recipes as, once again to my great surprise, they are not the same thing.

9. I won't have to try to figure out the metric system before cooking Canadian Bacon.

10. Cooking may become a joy for me. Or at least not such a daunting and herculean task.

Thanks for the gift, Ms. Karma, which you gave me after I confessed to you that I couldn't hard-boil eggs.

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