December 2009

Okay. Whew. Sigh. I've cleared my head after a vigorous walk, and I'm ready to write.

I just finished a very intense workshop and left feeling overwhelmed with emotion. See, I'm at a Buddhist monastery in Tibet right now (not really, but sounds cool) and I just spent some time meditating (that part is true).

So, basically, our facilitator (I don't know what you are supposed to call them - Dalai Something?) led a group of us through an exercise in quieting our minds, becoming aware of the moment and practicing some self-talk and visualization. In order to quiet my mind, Dalai Meditation Man (Dalai M&M) recommended that I focus on a place where I have felt truly at peace. So, for the first ten minutes when I was supposed to be clearing my mind, I mentally rehashed all my favorite vacations. I spent some time thinking about how CT and I fought constantly when we were in Paris, the most romantic place on earth. Right. Anyway, my "monkey mind" was hopping all over the place, and I think it even threw some poop around, but I finally got it to shut up.

Once I reigned in my monkey, things went better. (That applies to my dating life as well. Think about it.) As I listened to Dalai M&M's questions, I felt a lump growing in my throat. My eyes grew wet and I bit my lip.

"It is December 2009. You are living your life three years from now. What does your life look like? Where do you live, and what is your home like? What work are you doing? Are you with a new company? Are you in a cubicle? Do you work at your home? Who is living with you? Who greets you at the end of a day? A significant other? A pet? Are you alone?

What are your hobbies? What do you wish you had spent more time doing for the past three years?" And with that question, the lights slowly came up and Dalai M&M finished guiding us through our meditation time.

The thing is, I could see it all so clearly. My whole life. My dream life. My house, my partner (he's awesome) and my dog. It was both exhilarating and sobering. I know that I am on the right path to have all that I've ever dreamed of, but I also know that I've been lazy in taking some of the steps necessary to become the person I want to be in December 2009.

I'm also impatient. There are many pieces of my dream life that are "yet to come". I do feel that I've been taking the steps to achieve my dream life, but I have a long way to go. Well, at least I have until December 2009, right?

One very clear goal emerged from this time of meditation. In order to make room for some new things in my life, I have some serious clearing out to do. That means a trip or two to Goodwill. How can new pleasures and treasures enter my life if I'm already bogged down and cluttered with the past? I have clothes that are rapidly becoming too baggy on me. They need to be tossed, since the body fat I'm losing is NOT coming back. I have stacks of magazines I always planned on reading someday. Face it, Toddy, you're not ever going to read the April 2003 issue of Travel & Leisure.

I can do this. I know I can. I'll spend some time planning, and I think as a result of this workshop I'll spend a lot more time meditating and visualizing. Now if I can just get my monkey mind off the tire swing!