Metro the Hater Jesus

Metro in Tokyo

My friend (and Juju's fiance) Metro is upsetting Bill O'Reilly.

A few months ago, Metro was hired by Everclear to appear in a music video for the song Hater Jesus.

Since he's in the news lately, I'll take this opportunity to capitalize on my friendship with Metro. Let me give you the inside scoop on this Hater Jesus character.

Metro is Evil
Truth be told, Metro really is a very evil person. When he and I auditioned for our sketch comedy group, Metro was sure I wouldn't get cast. We met for the first time in the hallway outside the audition space, and he later told me that he felt sorry for me that I wouldn't be cast in the show. "He's such a nice guy. Too bad I got the part and not him," Metro thought to himself.

Well, we both ended up getting cast. So there.

Metro is Off the Market
A few years later, I orchestrated a romantic evening for Juju and Metro in an effort to bring them together. I'm not saying I had everything to do with their upcoming marriage. But I am proud that I did play a small part in fanning the flame.

Juju asked me to be one of her attendants when they get married next year. So, I will have my first experience as a bridesman! I've been a Best Man a couple times, and have been a groomsman several times, so it will be very interesting to stand on the other side.

Metro is My Mentor
It is Metro's fault that I ever found out about World of Warcraft. He's helped me through some of the dungeons and assisted me in getting some great weapons and armor, which is accomplished by killing various beasts and monsters in the game.

Metro Speaks Japanese
Metro was the organizer for the trip to Tokyo in January, and he was an awesome tour guide.

I Slept With Metro
I only bragged about it once before, but now that he's making the news, I feel it is important to reaffirm my status as "Star Spooner".


Toddy and Metro Gaming in Tokyo