Bears 2007

What a great group of guys. What a great season.

There I am, all the way in the back. Maybe the reason I became such an attention whore is that I have always been in the back row of pictures. Peeking over everyone else. That's okay. My height comes in very handy at parades.

I played second base on Sunday. That was quite a switch from right field. But I did get to tag two people out, which was fun.

The Toddtender is right in front of me in the picture. Without his encouragement and support, I would never have tried playing softball. Thanks to him, my life has changed. I don't say those words lightly. His direction changed my focus. I learned, through sports, that I can do more than I thought I could. I have learned to look to myself for strength. I've learned to pull from my inner resources instead of seeking help from outside myself. I've learned that I can be strong and powerful. I've learned that I will fight for something when I want it.

I will dive for a ball to stop it from getting away. I'll get dirty and love it. I'll swing at a ball, and if I miss it I will swing again and again until I hit it. If I break my toe, like I did last season (twice), I will get right back out there and try again.

I love being part of a team that truly understands that when we lose, we lose together. And when we win, we win together. This season the Bears definitely won. We were one home run away from 1st place for the season, and that is something to be proud of. Knowing I was part of that makes me proud.

Wow, that was quite a vacation. My experiences in Texas were worlds away from my hiking trip in Oregon.

In Texas I went with my family to the McKinney Ice Cream Cranker festival. In eastern Oregon I played canasta by a mountain lake.

In Texas, I tried not to argue about politics or race with my father. In the Eagle Cap wilderness I drank peppermint schnapps by a campfire.

In Texas, I floated on a raft in the swimming pool for hours at a time. In the wilderness I could barely catch my breath as I hiked the seven miles to the top of the trail.

In Texas, I wore swimming trunks 24 hours a day. In Oregon I wore layers of slightly damp clothing and carried 35 pounds on my back.

There were good and bad moments on both trips. But I am so glad for each experience. I hope to post some pictures soon. Good to be back!

How are you?

Howdy Y'all

Hey - I have been in Texas for the past week getting tan and swimming and getting to know my adorable 5 month old niece. My 5-year old nephew and I hunted for treasure in the swimming pool with a treasure map I brought him. We laughed our heads off.

I have tons of stories. But tomorrow I am leaving for a camping trip in eastern Oregon with The Handsome Prince and The Math Whiz. I'm sure I'll have even more stories to tell.

This morning my dad was taking me to the airport and we blew a tire. Guess who changed the tire? Yours truly. It was scary on a busy Dallas freeway with cars whooshing by, but last year I learned how to change a tire in less than 30 seconds when I signed up for a pit crew training session. My dad was probably shocked when I told him to let me take over the tire-changing process, and I was super speedy. He would never say so, but I think he was kinda proud of me. My father's idea of a compliment is, "Well, son, you have done a lot of things to disappoint me, but at least you have never been on drugs." Thanks, Dad!

If you are interested in listening to my podcast with Pony, check out the Todd & Pony Show. (You don't need an iPod to listen.) We got lots of great comments on our latest show, "The Chris Murray Episode". Several listeners have agreed it is our best show yet, and I think we owe much of the credit for that to charming (and cute) Chris Murray, Juju's husband. You'll love Chris (who I call Metro on this blog). Juju challenged us with a game to see who was the gayest of the three guys. You'll be surprised how it turns out. Maybe....

See you soon!
Love,
Hot Toddy

Drip Pan

This morning I got up and did laundry since I gave Olga (my laundry maid) the week off. Then I tried Morningstar Farms Breakfast Starter (Classic Scramble). That was delicious. I love that I can have potatoes and onions and peppers in my breakfast scramble without having to chop anything.

On to more mundane news. I make coffee in a French press every morning because I love the taste of rich dark coffee. The stronger the better. This morning I noticed that the little "drip pan" (is that what it's called?) under the burner needed to be cleaned. So as the water for my coffee boiled on another burner, I removed the drip pan (I think that's what you call it) and decided that, after I poured the boiling water into the French press, I'd used the remaining water to give that drip pan (I'm calling it that. Try to stop me.) a really good cleaning.

Once the water boiled, I began dumping it onto the drip pan (This is so liberating. Maybe I created a new word?!) and watched the black gunk just drip away. I was really getting into it. So much so that I dumped all the boiling water onto the Drip Pan (I feel powerful. Like God or Harry Potter).

I then realized I had forgotten to pour any of the water into my French press. So I began the process over again.

Isn't that the zaniest story you've ever heard? I should tell that story at parties. I would be such a hit.

I can't think of anything truly zany to report, so for today that's all you get. Just a trivial and mundane story about the hurdles I faced in preparing my morning coffee. Tomorrow I may tell you about a truly wacky experience I had making toast one time. I tell ya, it's a laugh a minute around here.

Completely Random Story

Last night this guy I like gave me a flag of Denmark, and then he drove me home and I kissed him.

This morning, a truck filled with tomatoes drove by my apartment, and I felt a strong temptation to jump out of my third floor window into the tomatoes. I thought about how fun it would be to wrap my naked body in the Danish flag before jumping into the tomato truck.

I would get to appear on the evening news for that stunt for sure.

It has been a while since my last post. However, contrary to the rumors, I was not in rehab. I don't wanna go to rehab. No, no, no.

I was thinking about this blog this morning as I washed dishes. (Perhaps it's the kitchen appliance connection. I don't know.)

There has been a serious lack of content here. But there are other places to find out what's going on with Hot Toddy you know.

Seriously, how much time do I really want to spend talking about myself? I mean, sure, it's fascinating to me, but why does anyone else care that I was having drinks with a guy who told me his hand was fake even though it wasn't, and I believed him?

Who really gives a rip if The Bears (my softball team) are 5-1 so far this season. (For my loyal longtime readers who have stuck with me since before I knew what a softball was, that means we've won five and lost one.)

Blogs are taking a back seat to more interactive communications methods, don't you think? YouTube and podcasts and video blogs are where all the action seems to be now. Sure, I will keep this little toaster oven fired up, because I still enjoy writing. Good old-fashioned words spelled correctly and placed in order to make sentences. That's what I'm talking about.

Let Them Eat Cake

Last night the Toddtender took me to see Patty Griffin perform at the Oregon Zoo summer concert series. He also informed me that he had VIP tickets from someone who works at Patty's label.

As it turns out, our VIP tickets were useless. We were shocked and a little scared when we learned we would have to sit and mingle with the common people. Since we were expecting VIP seating, we didn't bring chairs or a blanket. When I went to rent a couple chairs for us, I was told they were sold out. Apparently the common people had already rented all the chairs.

It was raining, of course. It never rains during the summer in Oregon, unless you attend an outdoor event and have no chair or blanket to sit on. Fortunately, we found some common people who let us sit with them on their blankets.

Patty was awesome, as always. I was moved so deeply by her performance that I must admit I got a bit weepy at a couple of songs. My common friend, Joe, handed me a napkin to wipe my eyes.

Overall it was an interesting experience to do things like sit in a general admission area and deal with parking lot congestion after the show. I tasted common food as well and found the cheeseburger to be a unique and interesting dish. It's just a beef patty with cheese, really. Nothing to be afraid of.

Thank you, Toddtender, for taking me to see this show and for allowing me to observe common people for an evening. But let's take the helicopter in next time. I didn't like sitting in all that traffic.

Fat

One of the most upsetting moments of my life happened about a year ago when I saw a picture of myself that revealed how fat I had become. I won't go into the myriad of reasons I let myself go so much. When I saw this picture of me and The Toddtender leaving his house to drive up to Vancouver, BC for a softball tournament, I felt sick.



Seeing my stomach protruding from under my shirt as I posed with one of the hottest men I've ever known made me feel so ashamed. I am embarrassed to post this picture even now. But the camera doesn't lie.

Last month I once again left Oregon for a softball tournament up north in Seattle. Here is the photo we snapped before leaving.



That's more like it. I'm never going back to those days of feeling ashamed.

I walk four miles a day, five days a week. I get to the gym for weight training and cardio at least three days a week. I still have body fat to lose, so I am taking drastic measures. This sucks so bad, but I am giving up french fries and soda for six weeks. I love french fries, because they go so well with Heinz ketchup. But sacrifices must be made.

If you struggle with your weight, just know that I understand. It is so hard to believe that change is possible. I carried around a belief that I would always be fat. Maybe I will always be large, but I don't have to be fat. Neither do you. Nobody does.

I think that many of us get discouraged because we set unrealistic goals. Sometimes it really does take a year to accomplish the kind of change we want to see in our bodies. You can't expect a six-week crash diet to fix your problems on any kind of long term basis. Stick with it. Don't give up. Send me an e-mail, and I will encourage you.

One blogger who really inspires me is Donnie

Donnie lost 100 pounds, and if you visit his website you kind find links to some of his older web pages. The changes he has made is dramatic, as you'll see by his photos.

Seattle

Jeff, Ryan, Todd and Tim

My roommates on the trip to Seattle were the best.

Saturday night we went to The Cuff, which was five blocks from the hotel. Since I had hurt my leg in the games on Saturday, I decided to leave early so I could go back to the room and rest my leg. I left the bar at 10 p.m.

At around midnight I stumbled into the hotel room. My leg was killing me, and I was starving. Fortunately, my roommates had saved a couple Lean Pockets for me.

Somehow, I took a wrong turn when I left the bar, and I walked my way into a maze of disorientation. I was wandering residential streets several blocks north of my hotel. I couldn't even find anyone around to ask for directions. I watched for a cab, but didn't see a single one drive by. My cell phone was in the hotel room, so I had no choice but to wander.

At one point, I passed an ATM. Showing a complete lack of common sense, I withdrew $100. Somehow it seemed like a good idea to have lots of cash on me as I wandered poorly lit streets late at night by myself. My reasoning, if you can call it that, was that I should have some money on me in the off chance that a cab drove by.

Thank heaven for 7-11. The man behind the counter pointed me towards home, and I arrived exhausted and crabby. The Toddtender, Tim, joked that I was the first to leave the bar and the last to arrive. Ryan said that he figured I had gone home with someone I met.

If anybody had invited me home, trust me, I would have gone with him. I was tired, and my leg was so sore. I would have done just about anything to be in bed. Any bed.

After the tournament, we walked around the market and a kind stranger snapped some photos for us. These guys were so much fun to be with. And I made sure to stick with them for the rest of the trip to make sure I didn't get lost anymore.

First Place

The Bears - Emerald City Classic 2007, Sunday Surge Champions
Seattle, Washington

I let the Toddtender (front row, third from the right) wear my cap for the game, so that's why I'm wearing a CC Slaughters cap. I'm in the back row, next to Joe, who is the guy with the cowboy hat.

I had the best time. I have lots of stories to tell - including one that involves my getting lost for two hours Saturday night after leaving the bar. I was five blocks from my hotel, but it took me two hours to find it.

Now I have a trophy at home. Never thought I'd see the day that I had a sports trophy of any kind!

First Dance

As you know I was a bridesman in Juju's wedding to Metro at the end of May. Every couple of days more photos arrive in my inbox. I love this one of the bridal party. That's me with Carrie, Juju, and her three sisters, Olivia, Colleen and Laura.

One of the best moments at every wedding reception is when the bride and groom share their first dance. Friends and family watch with tears in their eyes. Such happiness fills the room.

As I watched my friends dance their first dance as man and wife, my heart melted. Romance infused the air and I wished I could dance. The song was beautiful. I looked around as people got up from their chairs to dance, but I sat there wishing.

I could have stood up and asked some girl to dance, but my heart wanted to dance with a boy. It was such a romantic moment, and dancing with a girl just wouldn't fit the way my heart felt. That is what being gay is about - not sex - but just a yearning for someone of the same gender. Sometimes you see girls dancing together at a club or a party, but you don't see this as much with men.

Since I don't have a boyfriend, I knew I would just have to wait for something upbeat before I could dance. I would have to miss the slow dance. I would have to miss the very special first dance. All of a sudden, Metro's best man, who is straight, walked over to me as if he read my mind, and he held out his hand. For the first time in my whole life, I danced a first dance at a wedding.

Here he is toasting the bride and groom at the bar after the wedding reception. (Sorry I don't have one with his eyes open)



Thank you for the dance, Gabe. It meant more to me than you could know.

Love,
Hot Toddy

Have you ever heard of an ugly cloud?

Last night in my sleep I had the most profound dream. A message was delivered to me, and now I will share it with you. This message can only be from a higher power, as it explains so much about our world.

If you are depressed, prepare to shed your scales of gloom. If you question whether or not your life has purpose, your answer is here. This amazing truth was shared with me last night in a dream. The messenger was a girl with a wooden leg. (Seriously, wooden. It had tree bark on it and everything.)

We were discussing sadness, and this is what my arboreal friend had to say on the matter...

"Why do you think it is always misty? Maybe our souls leave our body and meet each other at the bus stop. This forms misty clouds. Have you ever heard of an ugly cloud?"

I woke up in the middle of the night and just knew I had to blog this message. Clearly, it is going to change some lives.

You're welcome.

See you at the bus stop.

Always a bridesman, never a groom...

Dragon Lady

Amber is back from camp! You can read about her experience here.

Pony and I were really happy to be able to help her out, and we're thankful to all the listeners of the Todd & Pony Show who donated to Amber. I know she appreciates your generosity and so do I.

Much love to all of you,
Toddy

God hates poor spellers

When I was at the Gay Games in Chicago last summer, I saw a protester who had misspelled the word judgment on his sign. I think that probably makes God angry.

Today I'll be joining hundreds or thousands (I wonder who counts all those people. I would hate that job, wouldn't you? "Okay, everybody please stand still I'm trying to count here....") of other people downtown for Gay Pride. (Every writing teacher I have ever had is turning over in his or her grave at my sentence structure - except for the ones who are alive. I don't know really know how they are responding. If you taught me in a writing class, please leave a comment and let me know how you feel about my run-on sentences and poor use of parenthetical statements.)

(Thanks.)

Anyway. I was planning on writing about protesters, but now I don't feel like it. I really hate to waste my time giving them a moment's thought. But on this happy weekend, I am pretty sure I will run into a handful of people who think God hates fags or that "Jugement is coming". I am not sure if I want to ignore them this year. Usually that is how I choose to respond, but I was thinking of maybe retaliating with some criticism of my own. "Sir, you have really awful handwriting," I will say to the man holding the hateful sign. I mean, it's better than screaming at them, right?

But, no, it is wrong to make people feel bad for who they are. If a person has poor handwriting, it is not for me to judge. I hate the handwriting and love the writer.

Hi there

Not only did I give up television. I gave up all technology, including computers. I stopped blogging and became Amish.

Actually, life just got busy. Busier. Juju is on her honeymoon so I am doing double duty at work.

I haven't been sleeping well. I am trying to decide which nightmare is my favorite lately. The one where someone is breaking into my apartment? How about the vicious lion showing up at work? The other night I dreamed I was clawing my face off in my sleep.

Get some therapy. That's what you're thinking. The thing is I do not feel unhappy or particularly anxious. I'm not sure why my dreams at night are so strange and disturbing. I've had therapy in the past and always knew I needed it. Right now I honestly feel good about my life.

I am hoping to go on a trip to Texas next month. I miss my family and want some time with them.

What else? Oh, please read the book Eat.Pray.Love.

I heard about this book on The Satellite Sisters and had to read it. One of the most inspiring books I have ever read, and it should be mandatory reading for those of us who have been serial monogamists. For about 10 years I was one of those people who always had a boyfriend (sometimes they overlapped) - I couldn't be alone. This book is all about making peace with yourself and learning how to be by yourself and love it.

My french press is ready. Gotta go!

No more Supernanny?!?

I am thinking about giving up television. Just thinking about it. Don't hold me to it or anything.

There is a noisy lack of silence in my life, so tonight I just skipped happy hour and came home to read a good book. I did not turn on the television. My home is silent.

As I stirred my dinner of black beans and rice on the stove, I listened to the spoon lightly scraping against the bottom of the pot. The sound of the water boiling gradually grew louder. Now I can hear it simmering softly on the stove.

When I eat my dinner I am going to eat in silence. Maybe I won't be able to make it through a quiet dinner alone. Maybe I'll crumble under the pressure and put on some music. But I'm not going to turn on the tv tonight.

The thing with television is this - it never stops. I tape a few shows every day, and then I have to catch up with them on the weekend. While I am watching one show, I am told that I really should watch it again tomorrow, because it will be even more exciting than the episode I am currently watching. Then there are commercials for other shows that I am supposed to watch later. Stuff that I never even thought I wanted to see suddenly becomes so important it feels like I should write it on a calendar.

TUESDAY - DR PHIL ASKS NEGLIGENT MOTHER "HOW'S THAT WORKING OUT FOR YOU?"

Wow. That sounds amazing. Who would want to miss that?!

There will always be someone leaving The View, and there will always be another contestant voted off the island or sent home because America voted. Ellen will just get funnier and funnier. More plot twists will unfold and new heroes with amazing powers will be revealed.

When will it all stop? I guess it won't stop until I make it stop.

I'm so afraid of becoming weird. Out of touch. If I just quit watching television, won't I become backward and socially clumsy?

I'm not saying I'm going to do it. I'm just thinking about it.

Now back to my book...

Not a single cupcake ruined

Don't Eat Before Bedtime

Last night I had a dream that David Hasselhoff was my stepfather, and he took me to a baseball game. While I was sitting there with my stepfather, David Hasselhoff, one of my friends shouted down from his seat a couple rows behind us, "Hot Toddy, is that your stepdad?"

"Yes," I replied.

"Is that you-know-who?" my friend asked.

My stepfather smiled at me. "Yes," I shouted to my friend. "Can you believe my stepdad is him?"

We weren't shouting his name back and forth across the rows because my stepfather David Hasselhoff doesn't want any more press at this time. We were protecting his anonymity. But if you had a dream that you were at a baseball game last night and you could have sworn you saw Hot Toddy with his new stepdad in your dream, you did. And, yes, it was David Hasselhoff.

Be Nice to Joni Mitchell

Well, I am just in the worst mood this morning because of a dream I had last night. Joni Mitchell was cast on MTV's Real World and the other girls in the house were completely dissing Joni.

Dream?! What am I saying? This was no dream. This was a nightmare!

I wanted to clock those girls for being mean to Legendary Folk Singer Joni Mitchell. They have no idea what true talent looks like.

I just need to shake it off. I'll think positive thoughts today. I'll think about the people who donated money so my friend Amber could go to camp. That makes my day every time I think about it. Listeners of the Todd & Pony Show donated almost $300 to Amber last month, and we gave her the check on Thursday. We had a great time with Amber. I love that girl, and I am certain she would never disrespect Joni Mitchell.