Featured Post

Seething Cakes of Hatred

Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Five Things about Hot Toddy

Matty tagged me to list five things about Hot Toddy that everyone needs to know. I will list five things with the stipulation that you understand these five things are not binding in any way. If, for example, I change one of the things about me in the next couple of minutes (it happens, people) you can't whine about it and say, "But, Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven, you said you didn't like cantaloupe when you posted your five things, so how can you be opening a 24 Hour Cantaloupe Store?"

For now, right this very second, these are my five things:

1. I decided that I don't want to be an actor right now. I am not sure where this idea came from. All I know is that, somehow, the committee that meets daily in my brain arrived at this decision and informed me this weekend that I am to reinvent myself as a jock. This year I am going to start watching sports (other than erotic wrestling videos) and will be attending the Gay Games in Chicago this summer. I will be competing, mostly at the bar, in several events including, "Capture the Wrestler's Attention" and "Who Wants to Be a Bodybuilder's Husband?"

2. In order to fully become a jock, I will have to do more than just watch sports. The committee in my brain says I have to play sports (besides erotic wrestling) too. So, I will be playing softball for one of the teams sponsored by CC Slaughters this year. We met on Sunday to talk about the schedule. I hope I will be on The Toddtender's team, but he'll probably be on one of the higher level teams.

3. I requested to be placed on a team with teammates who think it is "cute" when you mess up. I still want to win, but I just want everyone to understand my role on the team. I am there to provide cuteness and to make people laugh. The other players are there to provide athleticism and make us win games.

4. The first thing I need to do is start calling it "Softball Practice" instead of "Softball Rehearsal". I think I called it rehearsal about five times on Sunday. I also found out that, in softball, the spectators are not called "the audience".

5. I do not like cantaloupe. It makes me gag. I will never open a 24 hour cantaloupe store.

No comments: