I wrote this post with as little help as possible

These are my own words and nobody else's. I take full responsibility for the thoughts expressed here.

I just want everyone to understand that your word is your bond. When Barack and I moved into The White House, we promised our daughters a puppy, and we delivered on that promise. Also, I saw Finding Dory today and the whole story is highly implausible. I don't understand how Dory knew how to read. I guess the only limit to one's achievements are the strength of one's dreams and the willingness to work for them.

I think tomorrow I'll wear a sleeveless dress that shows off my arms.

So you want a food blog...

No you don't. Neither do I.

My friend Curfew asked me to start blogging some of the Paleo recipes I've been making, but I just can't do it. As a man who once wrote a post about how much I hate making pancakes, it would just be hypocritical to write a food blog.

I'll tell you some stuff I like, though, and you can always google it yourself. Or maybe I can add a link now and then. Last night I enjoyed a very close representation of some twice-baked sweet potatoes with kale and onion. Except that I used yams. And they fell apart and were mushy because I think I overcooked them.

Last night I enjoyed mashed yams still in the skin with kale and onion.
That's more honest.

How are you, old friend?

I'm reading Hemingway. I'm listening to Music for Dining in Space.

I'm watching The Paradise, but it is very silly and a waste of my time. It's like a dumbed down Downton Abbey with no intrigue or Maggie Smith.

I'm eating organic, grass-fed, free-range, hormone-free good stuff.

A year ago I quit drinking. It was time to stop.

My work is fulfilling. There are many lonely people with mental illnesses and disabilities who just need to get out of the house and have a good time now and then. So that's what I handle for them.

I moved to Minnesota six years ago, and I worry that it has made me less funny. Maybe writing again will determine whether or not that's true. I'm pretty sure I'm still a weirdo, though. So there's that.

Thanks, Pua and Charlotte and Aub and Deidre and Todd for saying you'd still read me after all these years. Let's see how it goes, okay? I'm changing the settings back to public viewing. It's like coming out all over again!

Quinta Noval 1991

I've grown tired of saving this bottle of Port. I bought it over 10 years ago and planned on opening it with my ex on our 10th anniversary. We didn't make it that far. Close, but no cigar.

Next I decided that I would wait until I had found my true soulmate and we would open the aged bottle of port wine together someday. We would toast our love together and raise our glasses to our future.

I am my own valentine right now, so I opened the bottle and raised a glass to me last night. And you know what? I feel great. It was like a weight fell of my shoulders knowing I wasn't waiting around anymore for someone to come along.

Besides, if he shows up someday I can always order a better and older port wine online. Cheers!

Cultspeak

So, if you say to me, "Please join us for dinner at The Nice Restaurant next week. We're getting a big group together to celebrate my birthday! My whole family and lots of my friends are coming. My cousin and his wife will also be there."

What I hear, is this: "We are gathering together a large group of people who share no common bond other than their single-minded devotion to one person. We are going to overtake a restaurant and draw a great amount of attention to ourselves simply by sheer force of numbers."

Something to keep in mind.

Today is Monday

I am working at a call center and am reminded daily of my superior intelligence due to exchanges like this:

Customer: Is Churchill Downs' deposit window open today?
Me: Churchill Downs is open Wednesday - Sunday.
Customer: So they are not open today?
(Do I really have to answer this? I guess so. He is still waiting for me to respond.)
Me: Today is Monday, so, no.

Hope

Hello. Hello? Is this thing on?

So, clearly I have not felt it necessary to keep Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven updated. But let's just consider 2009 pretty much a wash except for a total of about 2 weeks of complete fun, love and laughter. More about that another time.

To summarize what has been going on, I'll start by saying that I've learned a lot in the past year. I think I'm finally figuring out how to just appreciate what I have and not NEEEEEED so much. Looking back on the past few years, I see in myself such a greediness. For the attention of people - for things - for more money - for more recognition - for sex - for relationships - so much striving to own. To possess.

I think I am finally letting go and just practicing gratitude for what is present in my life. Right now the old radiator in my apartment is hissing and spitting away. This is a reminder that soon it will be very warm in here and I won't feel too cold after my shower. There is coffee brewing in the kitchen - a gift from my friend Charlotte in Arizona. It smells rich and strong, just the way I love my coffee. I found a new song to love and listen to on my way to work and am actually looking forward to climbing in my completely paid off truck and heading to the office. The song? "Come to Me" by Mary J. Blige. Such awesome harmonies - one of those songs ya just gotta blast.

I'm so grateful to have a job right now - even a temporary one. I worked at a call center in Baltimore for IBM and swore I'd never do it again. But there is something different about this company. At this job I've met some incredibly funny and creative people that I consider to be friends. This was supposed to be a 10-day assignment, but I've been there long enough to have been reminded by the computer to change my password twice. I guess I've been there about 3 months now.

Pua reminded me that I need to keep blogging. Several friends have been encouraging me to write and attempt to publish something again. It's been a couple years since I have had anything published, and lord knows I have the material now!

Is anyone still out there reading?

Drowning

I'm drowning in paperwork! I'm overwhelmed with job applications, student loan deferment instructions, unemployment stuff, 401k and pension documents, COBRA papers, Health Savings Accounts and bank account information. No wonder I haven't felt like reading anything more complicated than an issue of Entertainment Weekly lately.

I had a fantastic week in Galveston, Texas visiting family and then spent another 4 days at Auburn Pisces home enjoying her air conditioning and swimming pool (not simultaneously).

So, I guess vacation is over, if it's really possible to take a vacation from being unemployed. Wouldn't taking vacation from unemployment mean working somewhere for a while? Ah, well. That's not what happened. I spent lots and lots of time in the sun and swimming pool. I laughed with my family and ate lots of delicious food.

Now back to my piles of paperwork.

By the way, that picture above was taken in Tokyo in 2006. I think my life right now feels even more overwhelming than a neon night in Tokyo!

Portland Summer Sky

Wondering when the clouds will clear. Still, it's beautiful, yes?

Stay strong, everybody. This season will pass.

June

Wow. I can't believe I have let another two months go by without an update? I would love to say that I've been terribly busy interviewing for jobs, but that's just not true. While I have been very busy scouring job postings and networking with associates, I've actually had only a few interviews. Oregon's unemployment rate is among the highest in the nation. In March, we had the second highest rate in the nation.

What is keeping me going? My beautiful friends and supportive family. (That's my friend Torrey in the picture above) I believe this will turn around. I am keeping positive. I am cultivating a zen mindset. I am watching an awful lot of Bravo television and thank God every day that I am not a real housewife of New York or Atlanta or Orange County or New Jersey.

Yesterday a friend asked if I'd be blogging again soon, and he told me he really missed reading my posts. So this is for you MiLo. Thanks for the hug and kiss and kind words yesterday at Latino Pride! I didn't quite get the whole wrestling exhibition theme, but I had a good time hanging out with you for a bit!

April

So I missed March. Nothing at all happened, so I had nothing to write about. One day runs into another as I sift through meager job postings online. I am networking and staying as positive as I can, but the truth is there is so little out there. I went to the website of one of my old stand-by employers (a temp service) knowing I could at least get a temporary assignment doing office clerical/administrative work while I wait for something in my own line of work. I was shocked to see that there was one job listed. ONE. And it was in Vancouver, WA.

When I am working again, I will be so much more grateful. I promise. I didn't realize the job market would offer such slim pickings. But I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, darn it, people like me.

As Mom and Grandma always said, "Things have a way of working themselves out."

Oscar Blog 2009

I'll be live blogging tonight in between online chatting with my college buddies, "The Mad Sheep" (Sheep! Sheep! Sheep! No Wool! BAAAA!!!!).

My outfit this evening consists of a pair of sweatpants by "Phat Farm" and an "I <3 Boxed Wine t-shirt". Who are YOU wearing?

There is roasted chicken and mashed potatoes on the crafts service table in my humble home, and the wine is flowing freely.

Here are my thoughts on the Red Carpet and the awards show. I'll also be sharing some Academy Awards trivia as well. Enjoy.

- I think the "Glamastrator" on the E network is possibly the dumbest thing I've ever seen. Even worse than election night holograms on CNN.

- Oscar trivia fact #32 - Every actor who has ever won for Best Supporting Actor has been hit by an ice cream truck at some point in their lives.

- Amanda Siegfried (Mamma Mia) clearly sees that Ryan Seacrest is a complete tool and is having none of it.

- Oscar trivia fact #27 - Penelope Cruz is afraid of cheese. Ryan Seacrest is terrifying her as I write this.

- Oscar trivia fact #71 - Nobody with the middle name "Charlemagne" has ever won an Oscar except for Shirley Charlemagne Temple.

- I wonder how much the "low budget" production number really cost when you factor in the costumes and the union wages for the set and prop crew?

- Dustin Lance Black's acceptance speech for Milk was beautiful and moving. I'm glad he won.

- Wait. That guy who won for "La Maison en petits cubes" isn't French.

- Ben Stiller is hilarious. Oh, and I forgot to mention that I absolutely loved Tina Fey and Steve Martin's presentation.

- Beyonce can do anything except fail.

- Why are documentaries and shorts so inaccessible? I would love to watch them prior to the awards ceremony!

- Stop the action movie montage and bring back Beyonce, please.

- Yay Sean Penn.

- Weird. Charo is presenting Best Motion Picture.

(Just checking to see if you stayed with me till the end. Good night!)

DJ Pony - Obama Victory 2008 Mix

If you aren't getting enough of the Inauguration coverage, here's a great video accompanied by DJ Pony's Obama Victory mix.

How to Fold a Fitted Sheet Like a Pro

Nope. I still can't do it.

I wish you could have seen me yelling at this guy to SLOW DOWN as I tried to follow along at home.

It is amazing the things I find myself doing (or attempting to do and failing) now that I am unemployed.

Must. Have. Culture.

It is a sunny day in Portland, and I don't have a job so I am off to the Portland Art Museum in an attempt to erase my memory of Ryan Seacrest attempting to high-five a blind man on last night's American Idol.

Television is killing my brain.

Possible new jobs for Hot Toddy

1. Fireman
2. Tooth Fairy
3. Taylor Swift back-up singer (only on the song "Love Story" since I don't know any others)
4. Lottery scratch-off ticket player
5. Television remote control tester
6. Television critic
7. Television star
8. Vodka tester

Must come up with more ideas.

Visiting The Parents

I am so happy to see my family. It has been a year since I've been home. Although I've had only a short visit this time, it feels like plenty of time.

Yes the bed is comfortable and, no thanks, I don't need another blanket. I'm not hungry right now and, okay, sure, I'll have a glass of water - no, water's fine. Plenty of light for reading thank you, I'm fine and - okay - sure you can just turn on that lamp. Oh that's better, and no I don't need another blanket. Please don't turn the heat up, I'm kind of warm already. Oh the ceiling fan? Okay, sure. Wow that is really loud, I don't think I can sleep with that on. Ear plugs? No thanks, and I don't need a cold washcloth or a sandwich or a cup of hot chocolate or a hard cider (although a nice bucket of Maker's Mark sounds good right about now) I think I'll just head to bed, and thanks but you don't need to throw in a load of laundry for me tonight. Okay see you tomorrow. Good night Mom and Dad.

I sure love them a LOT. I really do. And I am really happy I'll be in my own bed tomorrow night.

Happy Freakin' New Year

About time 2008 went bye-bye. There is much to look forward in 2009...

So, my blog got derailed a couple years ago due to a serious lawsuit involving a friend and my former employer. My not-so-serious blog somehow became a serious witness or serious piece of evidence or something, and I came under serious scrutiny. Seriously. One day a co-worker who worked for an upper-level executive whispered to me, "be careful...they are watching you..."

How scary and James Bond-y!!! So I went under deep cover and kept writing under the pen name David Sedaris. I wrote "When You are Engulfed in Flames" under that name - perhaps you read it? Okay, not really. I didn't go under deep cover and keep writing - I became a scared little child and trembled in fear and started posting You Tube videos instead of thoughts and words from inside my head and heart. You understand that I had to do it, right? I had to play by the rules in order to keep my job. So I played by the rules 100 percent. I did the right thing. I stopped blogging.

As a reward for following the rules I was laid off in October. Actually, the job officially ended on 12/31 for me and 27 other souls at Company X. We were all assured it was not a performance-based decision. And it most definitely had nothing to do with blogging (a more liberal blog policy was recently put into place at Company X). No, we're just 28 more victims of this wacky zany recession.

The good news is that I finally feel I can blog without paranoia. (I know of a couple people who were fired for blogging at work - and I knew people were scrutinizing my blog so I pretty much stopped writing altogether.) I don't put "Hot Toddy" on my resume, so I think I can remain anonymous to a certain extent.

Anyway - I am looking forward to the next phase in my life. Who knows what will come my way? No, really. I'm asking. Who knows? I'm sure one of you out there has gotten wind of my storyline for 2009. Do I get a great job? Do I find a great man? Does the island somehow get moved back to its former location so Jack and Kate can find it? (No, you're wrong. LOST definitely IS part of my storyline - if you saw how obsessed I am....)

So I am sitting here with a piece of Nicorette parked between my gum and my cheek and am really happy to be back on the Interwebs. It will be fun to have the freedom to write again without fear of beheading, termination or syphilis. Look for more real soon.

Family Values

In light of all the bigotry against gay and lesbian marriage that is so predominant in our world today, I find it interesting that a very incredible lesbian who just married her wife is bringing back family-oriented variety shows.

Ellen DeGeneres hosted the amazing Ellen's Really Big Show tonight on TBS. For those who grew up watching Ed Sullivan, Sonny & Cher, Carol Burnett, The Smothers Brothers or Donny & Marie, you will find this to be a refreshing welcome home. I just find it so interesting that Ellen is the one who brought this family friendly television into our living rooms. How can anyone say that gays and lesbians are against family values?

Celebrate diversity

Song for Barack Obama

There are no words to describe my feelings right now, so I will let Patty Griffin's music express my joy and hope. Tomorrow may rain with sorrow, but right now I just want to celebrate.

Because it could be me...

Most of us love or have loved someone affected by HIV/AIDS. Many of us have lost people we care about to the disease. Although I have always been petrified to raise funds, and although participation in group activities gives me cult flashbacks, I'm going to suck it up for a good cause.

I will be walking with the CC Slaughters team this year at AIDS Walk Portland. Your support is welcomed and appreciated.

Please click here to donate

(Was that too much of a hard sell?)