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Thursday, May 04, 2006

Parenthetically Speaking

If I were going to create a title for this post, it would be something stupid like "Reflections" or "Pondering" or "Musings" or some such nonsense.

It has been too long since I just sat down and let my fingers fly across the keyboard without editing, without withholding, without second-guessing. I need to do some spring cleaning now. My thoughts are cluttering my mind, and I need to get some air circulating or something. (Many people think there is already way too much air circulating in my head, but that's a different matter entirely.)

By the way, if a sentence in parenthesis can stand alone, you put the period inside the parenthesis. If the parenthetical statement is contained within a sentence but ends that sentence, the period goes on the outside (like this).

I learned that a couple days ago (it was cool).

My friend who works at the bar got fired, and I hate that it happened. From my perspective, he was one of the most entertaining, good-looking and highly-intelligent people ever employed at that bar. I loved coming to see him every day. If he gets a job at a different bar, I'm pretty sure I will follow him as a patron, because I would miss seeing him after work.

So many things are changing right now. Friends are moving away to New York City and Chicago. Other friends are getting engaged and buying houses, and I'm not even close to buying a home. And lord knows I am nowhere near ready to try another relationship when I'm still reeling from the last one. (I will say this much - unless my future boyfriend already reads my blog, I'm not letting him know how to find it.) I just came up with the title of this post after writing that last sentence.

Auburn Pisces has her new job - another change! She leaves the house earlier and gets home later, and I know the hours are rough, but she has been working out at 4:30 a.m. - her discipline has been inspirational!

(Sometimes when I write I feel like you are reading my words and using this blog as a way to get updated on the lives of those you know here in Portland - but it makes me mad at you, because you have never once bothered to update me or anybody else since you broke up with me. You still make me cry, and I bet you like it. I had no idea that inflicting pain was more than just a sexual turn-on for you - it is more like a way of life).

Focus. Be relevant, Toddy.

We used to do this writing exercise in my creative writing class where we had to write for 10 minutes without stopping. If we couldn't think of anything to say, we had to write, "I can't think of anything to say" and just keep the pen moving. That's sort of what I'm trying to do right now. Keep the thoughts flowing - stop editing. I know that people say I have no filters and that I don't seem to know how to edit - but you'd be surprised at how often I edit myself. I keep a lot inside for the sake of keeping the peace. I am not like Auburn Pisces - she is not afraid to say what she thinks.

What is relevant right now? Is playing Softball relevant? It feels that way. (Don't edit - you capitalized the word for a reason - Softball - leave it).

Is World of Warcraft relevant? Definitely. Such a wonderful escape, and it doesn't rot your teeth or give you lung cancer.

Is blogging still relevant? It doesn't always feel that way. Once I invested so much of myself into my relationships with other bloggers. But I keep thinking about the awful things some of those bloggers said about me a couple years ago. They don't realize I know what they said and wrote. They think I'm clueless, but they're wrong. I would never call them on it. Let them think I'm dumb. Playing dumb works well for me sometimes. (They certainly tarnished the world of blogging for me in quite a significant way. They made me hesitant to get overly involved in the lives of most of the people I "meet" on the Internet - though, thankfully, I have made some exceptions and haven't regretted any of the friendships I've formed via the Internet).

I am glad I have friends who help me stay on the path. Living with all this noise in my head isn't easy.

I just agreed to do the 24 Hour Play - in which I must write a play on a Friday night and deliver the script on Saturday morning at 8 a.m. - then the actors memorize and rehearse it and perform it Saturday night. It is quite a popular practice in Portland to put ridiculous amounts of pressure on budding playwrights.

(I miss you so bad. SO bad.) Why do I miss him so much? It's been almost a year since our first date. May 14 is gonna suck so bad. I'm not gonna make it. (Yes I am).

I wonder what is next for me? Or for you? Don't you sometimes wish we could know? (Be honest.) Just a little info about what's coming up could be helpful. I don't need to know everything, but if I could just see what is up ahead around the next bend, that would be great.

I should have named this post Schizophrenic Musings or Reflections of a Crazed Obsessive Personality or Pondering the Bend.

Still with me? Thanks. You deserve a reward!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


I, too, am going through alot of changes. Not with my personal life so much, but with work and the pressures of room mates moving in. I feel like I need to start a blog just to get my frustrations out there so other people can hear my drama. Here is the story in a very few sentences: I accepted job for more money and quit my comfortable job I knew and loved(in the medical field). the physician i work for is going under. No job is lined up. Room mates moving in to support rent just in case..I feel like I need to be hooked up to an I.V. with a vodka stream and a valium every hour for good measure. Anyway, I didn't mean for this to be about me. I just wanted to let you know that I always love to read your blogs! they are both entertaining and insightful. Keep Writing!!!