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Seething Cakes of Hatred

Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Bitch Slapping Auburn Pisces

She acts like she's such a humanitarian.

But you should see her at CC Slaughters demanding more boy porn, hooting and hollering for Patron Silver (which CC's now serves), and trying to steal handsome barbacks away from me.

The barback-stealing is what riles me most. Yes, I am spoken for, but if a person knows that I find a certain new barback to be extremely appealing, that person should step off and allow me to bask fully in said barback's attention. The other night as Auburn Pisces' flirted with MY barback, I felt my face growing red with anger. Moments before, my barback and I discussed adopting babies together someday. Sure, he's straight, but he'd make a good father, and I told him so.

Then this hussy - this Jezebel - this woman who claims to be my friend and is also my landlord started flirting shamelessly with the father of my adopted children.

After a couple minutes of restrained silence, I finally found my voice.

"Hey, Auburn Pisces. For the first time since I've known you, I'm seriously considering bitch slapping you."

The weird thing is, she didn't seemed threatened. Not in the last. Maybe she really does have ovaries of steel.

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