The truth is, I have not heard from Thor in over a month. The last time we spoke, he shared devastating news with me, and none of the letters I've written him since have been answered. I have tried to support him through the difficulties he's facing, but yesterday I accepted the fact that Thor has not been truthful with me. Hopefully, some of what he has told me over the past six months has been true. It would be nice to hold on to at least some of the sweet loving words he said to me.
Details will be shared when I feel ready, but I find it so interesting that my friend Verdi left this comment for Thor last week:
*** A NOTE TO THOR ***
This is rather forward of me, and not very proper, but ~ I can't help myself. I hope you'll forgive me. . .
Likely you are aware of this fact, but - you are the envy of the Western world, man. Perhaps you are a shy person; perhaps you aren't entirely thrilled to have Hot Toddy express his love for you here, almost daily. . .
BUT, Thor, you've had more beautiful prose-poems addressed to you, here, than Hadrian ever stamped coins with his lover's ( Antinous' ) visage ~ so many lovely temples, Todd has built, just for you.
Does it, or would it, or could it, detract from any of these things if I
( meekly, humbly, on bended knee ) observed that, in Todd, you've got the MAIN CHANCE, that so many of us never got, and never will ???
I know, I know - cut the Mahler. ( I am always guilty of saying far too much. ) But there's a wonderful man, out there, who loves you with all his heart, who will hold your hand through everything that could ever happen, care for you in the most unselfish way, and simply be your BEST FRIEND, until the house lights go down.
I know, I know - I'm always ( always ) too bold. I am so weak, Thor, that I've even said a word. What will happen, will happen. What you WANT, will happen.
But, unlike so many of us, you CAN have what you want: even if it's as little as a perfect friendship. ( And that's no small thing. )
I am just 40. I have had no luck in love, and no chances ~ which is OK, because I have so many stellar friends. But, unless you really, really, love opera, please don't turn out like me, Thor, singing, under your breath, every day, "Chi mi frena in tal memento ?" ( "What, what, holds me BACK, in this precious moment ?" )
That's all I have to say - and I've said far too much ( unconscionably too much ). I simply hope that you'll have the kindness, and charity, to understand that these are words
( however vain ), from a distant friend. Given in care. For friendship, or for love: please take your perfect chance.
Abashedly, from afar,
"Verdi" ~ xoxoxoxo
Thor, I love you like an ocean. I wish you could accept that kind of love.
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