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Seething Cakes of Hatred

Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Thursday, November 17, 2005


Sometimes I struggle with my ego. It is huge, and I find that there are days when I really think too highly of myself. It is really hard sometimes to be smarter and so much better looking than everyone around me. That is why I post Defirmations on my bathroom mirror and say them out loud every morning.

This morning I was chanting, "I am a gross monster and am virtually undateable" to myself and instantly felt my self-esteem lowering to an acceptable limit. But after I put some molding cream in my hair and threw on my new Michael Kors coat, I started to think I looked pretty good. So I picked a different Defirmation and started chanting all over again.

"I am getting fat and old. And I drink far too much," I said vigorously and quickly followed it with another mantra, "People don't really like me. They tolerate me!"

By the time I left the house this morning, I was a wreck. I felt completely average and realized I am no smarter than anyone else except my supervisor.

Those Defirmations are really doing the trick. Not once today have I walked into a busy street expecting traffic to stop for me. I rode in the elevator with two ladies at work and did not assume they both have a crush on me. One of them probably does, but not both of them.

If you are a raging egomaniac, you may find this little Defirmation helpful the next time you're feeling that all-too-familiar sense of entitlement:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the fact that I can change nothing, the courage to walk out of the house looking as hideous as I do today, and the wisdom to remember where my office is since I am such a stupid idiot.

God, this is a dumb post. I suck.
(See?! It's still working!)

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