Featured Post

Seething Cakes of Hatred

Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus

I got exactly what I wanted for Christmas. No joke, I had such a peaceful holiday and found a sense of calm coming over me like an old friend. Gross. I don't mean calm came over me the way an old friend comes all over me. Bad analogy.

I usually get what I want. It's true. I am not trying to brag - it just seems to happen. If I want something (or someone) badly enough, things just seem to work out in my favor. Maybe that is why my latest heartbreak was so devastating. Maybe I'm just spoiled and not used to having my way.

There are those, like my ex CT, who say that I lead a "charmed life", and others (Pony) who say that I seem to come through life unscathed and floating above it all. But, while clawing my way out of the pit of depression I've been in, I've felt neither charmed or unscathed. And being miserable certainly doesn't feel like floating.

I can't say what or who, exactly, helped me to find some peace and happiness this Christmas. There were many moments where I realized that I really am going to be okay. I saw my blessings instead of what I don't have.

Here is what I got for Christmas:

Auburn Pisces cooked a wonderful meal and only required a couple shots of Patron to remain relatively calm on Christmas Day. We had one of our quiet conversations on her front porch this weekend, and I told her I felt at peace. "Right on," she said with a smile.

Auburn Aries had a great Christmas, and the letter Santa left for her made her cry. When I hugged this sweet eight-year-old kid, she said, "I'm not crying because I'm sad, Toddy." I told her I knew exactly why she was crying. "It's because you feel loved, isn't it?" She nodded her little head and hugged me tighter (while Auburn Pisces snapped pictures and cried her own tears of feeling loved).

K9 has been staying with us after a rough time during which he had all of his belongings stolen and lived in his car. Having him around at Christmas reminded me how good it feels to take care of others. Seeing him this morning without a shirt as I offered him the rest of the coffee in my pot also made me feel very good.

My friends, Russ and Carolyn, called me on Christmas Eve and we had a wonderful talk. Carolyn helped me realize that whether you are single or married you can feel lonely. She listened empathetically to my story of the last six months, and she reminded me why we'll be friends forever.

Juju and Metro got engaged at Christmas. I knew they would end up together. You can't believe what a great couple they are. I celebrate their relationship and someday hope to have what they have. And I will, because I (usually) get what I want.

No comments: