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Seething Cakes of Hatred

Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Just thought I'd say hi...

Just received one of those short noncommittal hello e-mails from my ex. Quick short thoughts. Incomplete sentences. Like a telegram. Said he was thinking of me. Stop. Just saying hi. Stop. "Anyhoo not much more to say" (he actually wrote that). Stuff like that. Stuff like this.

Then I responded with about six paragraphs on my thoughts about music and our dog and the house we once shared together and the way Jann Arden's music makes me cry and what I did for New Year's Eve. It's not like this is the first time I have heard from him since we split a year ago. I mean, he was just saying hello. Why do I feel the need to share so much of myself? I wonder if I would be happier if I could learn to just shut up? Maybe. He certainly seems to be content with his anyhoo-not-much-more-to-sayistic approach to life.

Why are some of us born with the overwhelming craving for connection with other humans, while others prefer keeping people at arm's length? I'm sure that is one of the reasons M. and I did not last. I think I am a lot to handle.

I was about to say "thank God for blogging" but I think maybe that has only aggravated my condition. Blogging has the potential to create a false sense of self-importance. Maybe the people who read my blog actually care about what is going on in my personal life! Sure, the people who know me care. But the stranger in NYC who glances at my entries now and then doesn't really care. It's just something to do.

So, I have no choice but to spill my thoughts out to the people in my life and let the overflow dribble into my blog. Anyhoo. Not much more to say.

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