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Friday, February 27, 2004

Brad, Poor Brad

One actor stereotype that I hate is that we are egocentric. I'm not saying that isn't true, just that I hate it.

I met a hunky guy, Brad, and I would like to get to know him better. But he will never know I like him based on my behavior. He may read this blog someday, but I doubt that even then he'd believe I actually like him.

I haven't seen the new Drew Barrymore movie 50 First Dates, but so far that perfectly describes my interactions with Brad. I never remember him from one meeting to the next.

Meeting Number 1 with Brad:
Todd: Hi, I'm Todd.
Brad: Hi, I'm Brad. Nice to meet you.
Todd notices Brad has a nice body and cute smile. Todd also notices Brad is dating one of his Yum Yum brothers and is off limits.
Todd: Okay, see you later Brad.

A few months later:
An attractive man approaches Todd at a bar and smiles at him.

Todd: Hi!

Brad: Hi, do you remember me?

Todd: No, I'm sorry. Are you an actor? (This is an acceptable question. "Did I sleep with you," is not.)

Brad: No, I was dating your friend Brian.

Todd: Oh, that's right! (Introducing him) Hey, Boy Hunk, this is Brian.

Brad: No, I'm Brad.

Todd: I mean Brad. This is Brad.

Boy Hunk: Hi Brian, nice to meet you.

Brad: No, my name is Brad.

Boy Hunk: Oh, sorry. I thought Todd said Brian.

Todd: I did. But he was dating Brian. His name is Brad. I'm sorry.

Brad: It's okay.

Todd: I remember you now. I thought you were really cute, but I never told you because you were dating my friend Brian. (Somebody shoot me. I'm talking and I can't shut up.) Anyway, I'll see you later Brian! I mean Brad!

One Week Ago:
Todd notices a handsome guy leaning against the pinball machine at the bar. The guy is smiling at Todd. Todd approaches the smiling hunk and extends his hand.

Todd: Hi, I'm Todd.

Brad: Yes, I know. It's me Brad.

Todd: Brad? Did we do a show together?

Brad: Brad.

Todd: Oh, BRAD!! Oh my God, I'm so sorry (blah blah blah - fumbling - apologies - it's a mess and I can't bear to transcribe it here.)

Boy Hunk approaches.

Todd: Hey, Boy Hunk! Do you remember Brad?

Boy Hunk: (whispering to Todd) Dude, his name is Brian.

Todd: (whispering to Boy Hunk) No, it's not. He was dating Brian.

Boy Hunk: His name is Brian.

Todd: Shut up! It's Brad. Go away.

Boy Hunk leaves.

Brad: It's okay, I wasn't wearing a hat last time.

Todd: Yes, I didn't recognize you. But I will next time, I promise.

Last Night:

Okay, do I even need to go into it? You know what's coming. There he was leaning against the wall with some friends and I stood right next to him. He smiled at me and I introduced myself and we went through the whole thing all over again. I begged his forgiveness, bought him a drink and gave him my e-mail address (because I am a huge dork and I somehow consider giving my phone number out to be too much pressure for the guy.)

I can't explain why it is so hard for me to remember Brad given that I am attracted to him. Every single time he smiles at me, I introduce myself. I don't always approach a guy who smiles at me. Brad really is something special, but apparently he turns me into an amnesiac.

There is a whole list of details I do remember about Brad, but that doesn't make me less of a terrible person. I remember where he's from, where he works, how strong and powerful his chest is...sorry, I got carried away for a second.

I tried to make it up to him by showing him I remembered those details. I even commented on his chest because I have no social boundaries. But I can't imagine what he must be thinking about me. I hate that I am coming across as so shallow and self-absorbed. I really do care about people and I do pay attention to what they tell me. I don't want to be this way, and I don't know why this particular person seems to be so difficult for me to remember. If I ever witness Brad committing a crime he'll get off scot-free.

"Officer, I can't remember what he looked like. He had a nice chest. Does that help?"

As God as my witness, I will never forget Brad again. The next time I go to the bar, I will actively search him out so that I can date him or identify him in a police line-up. I will scan the crowd for a hunky dark-eyed boy with two piercings and a hat or no hat. And I think he had a goatee one time, but not last night.


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