Let me give you some details about my visit to The Big Regular Coffee and Egg and Cheese on a Roll City. (A much better name than Big Apple, don't you think?)
Even before I left Portland, I knew I was going to have a great day. I called Auburn Pisces and told her so. She had done a ritual for me, which resulted in a smooth, comfortable, speedy trip. I just hope no lambs were killed in the performance of this ritual.
I got to New York right on schedule and found Posh with no problems. Sitting out front of Posh was, gulp, Famous Author Rob Byrnes. But before I greeted FARB, I greeted his friend. I thought his friend was Famous Country Boy in NYC Michael Vernon. "Hi, it's ME," I told the man who wasn't FCBINYC. His expression clearly said, "who cares." Rob hugged me and introduced me to his friend Mark. Oh, no wonder the man wasn't thrilled to meet me. He just doesn't know who I am. Cause if he did, he would have done backflips just like FARB did.
I had a nice joke ready when I got there, because I felt a lot of pressure to make FARB laugh. I succeeded, but just barely. After my opening line he waited for more. I suddenly realized I was completely unprepared. I had come armed with only one joke. He wanted a twenty-minute set! I searched for The Traveling Spotlight, who is a stand-up comic by trade. But he was nowhere to be found. So I muttered something stupid about lambs and posed for a picture. Aaron, of 100,000,000,000 Words, was the photographer. I knew from the second I met him that he was a kind soul. Most Libras are.
I went inside and was bombarded with drinks. Lemon drops from PatCH. Maker's Mark (only a quarter shot before the bar ran out) from the REAL Famous Country Boy In New York City Michael Vernon. Vodka tonics from someone and more fovdka tnsics from shomeone elssss and giiiin from who the hell cares and....you get the idea. I got to meet Greg, who I just loved. He's not a blogger. No link for you. Maybe someday, if we're lucky, we'll get to read his blog. I already tried to find it using the name Greg gave me, but no luck. I was hoping for a sneak preview.
I got to see and talk to a television star from the 70s. If you can guess who it was, raise your hand and shout, "Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!!" Famous Boyfriend Brady made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt. He was trying to get me hooked up with an ex-cop who had a sling and a bottle of Maker's Mark waiting back at his place. I really wanted to go with him. So, I tried to find The Traveling Spotlight to ask his advice, but he was nowhere to be found. Instead I opted to sit at the bar and listen to Rob Byrnes speak for hours and hours about his creative process. I finally couldn't take it anymore and went to spend some time alone. But, once again, Aaron found me and snapped another photo.
Everything became blurry, and by the time Crash showed up, I was a kissing fool. I'm not posting the pictures, but if you are resourceful you probably already found them. I've found the evidence in more than one place.
I posed for a Blogger Butts calendar. Wayne has those shots over at the Ocean Bloggie. What else did I do?
I'll tell you what I didn't do! I didn't call my friend, Lynda, like I promised. I expected a reprimand from her. Instead she said, "Honey, I know you are a gay man visiting New York City. I know I am not a priority." Such an understanding friend. I proved her wrong and made her my Saturday priority all day long.
Friday, on my way to the home of my host, FCBINYC, I got lost in Spanish Harlem. I ate a burrito or a tostada or something. I wished I weren't all alone. Cold. Carrying bags. A shy petite boy in New York. I tried to call The Traveling Spotlight for help, but he was nowhere to be found.
Then I spied it. A little lamb at the end of the block. With her little hoof, she motioned that I should follow her. She led me to FCBINYC's apartment. I let myself in, pushed FCBINYC off the couch where he had passed out and onto the floor. Then I snuggled down to bed thinking about all the fun to be had on Saturday! Then I had some dreams about eating that lamb.
Photos courtesy of - Aaron Edwards, 1000 Words
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