Featured Post

Seething Cakes of Hatred

Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Friday, December 10, 2004

Last Hurrah

Do you ever break up with someone and then go through a depressed period where you stop working out? Then do you eat really crappy rich comfort food and drink a lot of alcohol? I do that, apparently.

I reached the point today where I decided, "enough is enough." I'm uncomfortable in my skin. I am feeling lethargic. So, I'm going to stop wallowing and moaning and eating and indulging. Tomorrow I am going back to the gym. Saturday is a great day for me to get back to working out, because the gym I go to is usually quiet on Saturdays. I like to lift and run without distractions. And we all know how distracted I get.

Tonight I am going out with AuburnPisces and The Math Whiz. I have decided to have one last hurrah. I'm going to indulge and binge like Fat Linda Ronstadt.

Here's the plan for tonight:
1. Rent a scooter to transport me around the bar.
2. Lean against the wall at CC Slaughters and eat a caramel apple while skinny young circuit boys stare in horror.
3. Wipe the caramel off my chin with the back of my hand. Then wipe the caramel onto my sweatsuit.
4. Dance while holding a bucket of KFC and licking my fingers.
5. Pull up a chair in front of the popcorn machine at Embers and dig in!
6. Ignore the bartender when he yells, "Sir, you have to take your head out of there. Other people eat that popcorn too!"
7. Gnaw on a turkey leg while cruising boys.
8. Smuggle in a box of Ritz Crackers and a can of spray cheese and eat it at the bar.
9. Ask Tim, the beefy hunk bartender, if he can make me a malted milkshake.
10. End the night with a visit to Old Country Buffet.

Maybe if I go "whole hog" tonight, I will be so disgusted with myself that I'll never want to overindulge again.

No comments: