Today I will meet my new boss. It will be important for me to quickly get him wrapped around my little finger so that I can continue my fun carefree lifestyle. If the poor man has any delusions that he is going to pound some kind of work ethic into me, he has another think coming.
In fact, I'm just going to direct him to my blog and outline my expectations here.
Welcome aboard, Eugene!
You are in for the ride of your life. Working with Hot Toddy is fun and exciting, as long as you follow a few simple guidelines.
Although it is none of your business, Hot Toddy's work schedule is as follows: Hot Toddy usually shows up at the office around 9 a.m. (unless there was a good song on the radio and he sits in his car to listen) and he immediately leaves his desk after booting up the computer. Around 9:30, he will return with coffee and breakfast.
Next on his agenda is catching up on e-mail and blogging. 10:00 a.m. is break time, so you'll find Toddy with Auburn Pisces and Ms. Karma over at Kobos Coffee.
Around 10:30, Hot Toddy will wake up and begin to undertake actual work. He will begin to accomplish things as if by magic and will outwork anyone on your staff due to his abilities to charm the pants off vendors and internal customers. By the way, Toddy hates using words like "internal customers" because he knows that is a euphemism for "the idiots I work with", but he will pretend to be on board with the whole corporate farce.
Under no circumstances should you ever attempt to monitor Toddy's work. He is independent and has no need for you as a supervisor other than to approve his vacation requests, which you will basically approve without discussion. Beyond that, just find something to do with your time and leave Toddy alone. He is quite capable of doing his job without your meddling in his affairs.
Please be aware that once or twice or three times a week, Toddy will need to leave early for doctor or dentist appointments. He is a health fanatic and is obsessive about his dental hygiene. He must be heavily medicated by Dr. CC Slaughter every day in order to function. Do not attempt to interfere with Toddy's treatments.
If you follow the rules, you and Toddy will get along fine, Eugene. You're gonna love him.