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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The Final Countdown

We didn't sleep much on our last night together. We cried and held each other and felt the warmth of our bodies passing between us. My alarm was set for 4:15 a.m., because I had to leave for my trip to Texas that morning. Thor was taking me to the airport, and we would have our final goodbye there.

At 3:30 in the morning, I whispered to him that I wanted to see how much time we had left. For a couple hours I had tried not to look at the clock, hoping to relish every last moment. But I needed to know how much longer I had to be with him. After checking the time, I told him that we had about 45 more minutes to be in bed together.

When the alarm went off, I told him I wasn't ready. We needed more time, so I reset the alarm for 4:35. I turned towards him again and buried my face in his chest. 20 minutes later, the alarm once again shattered our peaceful repose.

"We don't have to leave for 20 more minutes, Thor. Let's stay close like this," I told him.

"That is what you said 20 minutes ago, Toddy," he answered.

"I changed it. I'm extending our deadline," I laughed. We pressed closer together and held on for dear life.

In what felt like three minutes, the alarm went off again. There was no more time.

"Okay. I'm going to get up now," I insisted. We both knew I was lying. Neither of us moved a muscle.

After a couple minutes, I realized I would have to be the strong one.

"Thor, I'm getting up in five...four..."

He pulled me tighter to his powerful body, and I started to cry. "Three...two..."

With all his might, he held onto my body. He squeezed so hard, I could barely breathe.

He didn't loosen his grip when I reached one. He kept holding onto me. Then I did something I never want to do again. I pushed away from him. Just a little, but enough so he would know I needed to be released from his grip. He relaxed his arms and let me go. I pulled myself out of his bed and tried to stifle my sobs.

If I could live one moment in time for all eternity, I would choose that night. I would still be in his arms right now, and I would never have to countdown those last five seconds.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Hot Toddy,

I finally found your blog. You might not remember me, but I definitely remember you. Remember the girl at the Egyptian about a month ago in a wheelchair when you and Thor came to sing karaoke? That would be me.

I wanted to write to let you know I was thinking about you still and encourage you in this hard time.

I am going through something really hard too, as you will see in my blog, which is my homepage link.

please come back to the Egyptian and sing with me on Thursdays. Especially this coming Thursday. Every Thursday in September they are having a music trivia contest. First prize is like $200 or something.

Did I mention I kick ass at music trivia? :-).

Did I mention that you have a wonderful singing voice? :-) I did now. :-)

Love always,