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Seething Cakes of Hatred

Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Wednesday, August 10, 2005


Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven will be unplugged for about a week, but I'm not asking anyone to guest blog because you will end up liking them better than you like me. So, please enjoy some of the wonderful bloggers I've linked to, and I'll be back soon.

The next time you hear from me, Thor will be living somewhere between Ukiah, Oregon and Northern California. My primary contact with him will be phone calls, which doesn't completely suck because he has one of the sexiest voices I've ever heard. This morning he said, "why don't you go take a shower so you won't be late to work," and I made him repeat it twice into my ear. It was better than phone sex.

Again, I will state that I love my man and respect him for his love of family. I would have a hard time curbing my selfish desires to care for an immediate member of my family, let alone caring for a cousin. I wish with all my heart he did not have to go, but we have made each other a promise to be back together as soon as possible.

Besides my need for reflection and quiet as I deal with my boyfriend's departure, I'm also unplugging the oven so I can spend some time with my family in Texas. I will be spending a lot of time sitting by the pool at my parent's house, and my mother promises a trip to IKEA will be on our agenda.

When I return to Portland next week, I plan on finally unpacking some boxes and setting up my living space. I haven't spent a night there for over a week, since I'm pretty much glued to Thor until he goes.

I'll have to take some time rekindling friendships and asking forgiveness from some people once my man leaves. I have become the epitome of what I dislike in people who are in love. I have put my friendships on the back burner, and I realize some of my friends are feeling like they are not a priority. In normal dating circumstances, I hope that I would have done things differently. Knowing my time with Thor was so limited made me want to spend every second with him, and I hope that my friends will understand that when I come crawling back to them with my guilty conscience.

Thor, you have given me the most incredible three months. You've made me believe that I can have a relationship that meets my needs and brings me incredible joy. You have taken care of my heart completely. I've never experienced anything like this. And I promise that whenever I doubt we will be back together again, I will remember your comforting words one night when I was crying over our unknown future:

"Of course we will live together someday, dumb ass."

Thor, I love you more than Heinz Ketchup.

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