Picture Hanging

I think one of the hardest tasks in the world is hanging pictures. I don't understand how to do it.

On the back of a frame I was hanging yesterday are two small triangles. Apparently you are supposed to align those triangles with the nails on the wall. However, you can't see the triangles, or even reach them, when you are holding up the picture to figure out where to hammer in the nails.

I sort of managed to hang my autographed headshot of Alison Arngrim (Nellie Oleson on Little House on the Prairie), but it seems like there must be an easier way than just a blind trial and error method.

I am at a loss as to how to hang pictures. That is why my walls have been bare for over a year.

And don't even get me started on shelves. I want to hang some wall shelves but I am terrified of the process.

I am happy being single, but at times like this it sure would be nice to have a handy boyfriend!

Happy Halloween

Thank you so much for all the kind comments and e-mails! You all are the best.

The Todd & Pony Halloween show is up now! Julie joined us and told us all about some haunted places in Portland. We got a call from a celebrity. And then I conducted a scary seance.

You can listen at the website or you can subscribe through iTunes and listen on your MP3 player.

If you would like to attend the podcast in person, we are selling tickets for $300. You can come to the Pony Palace and sit on the couch in our studios and watch us record the show live.

I have not told Pony about the $300 thing yet, but I think he will be all for it.

Today we're recording the show for next week. I am so excited for the show, which will come out on Friday, and I think you will love it too. More about that later.

Again, thanks for supporting me and encouraging me last week!

My best friend is gone...

My best friend, Bonkers, died yesterday. He was an amazing being. So much love and so much joy packed into a tiny furry little body.

Patty Griffin - RAIN

Sometimes the hurt is so deep, deep, deep
You think that you're going to drown,
Sometimes all I can do is weep, weep, weep
With all this rain fallin' down.

Strange how hard it rains now,
Rows and rows of big dark clouds,
But I'm holdin' on underneath this shroud,
Rain, Rain, Rain...

It's never rained like it has tonight before...

I loved you so much, Bonkers. The way you did a little tap dance in the kitchen when I put your food into the bowl. When we went on our two-hour walks on Saturday mornings, man you were psyched. You loved it!

I will never forget the night you had your teeth pulled. The vet overestimated your strength, and he pulled over a dozen teeth in one day. You were hurting so badly. You slept in my arms and when I woke up in the morning I saw your blood on my sleeves, and I knew your night was miserable. I cried for you. If I could have taken away your pain that night I surely would have. But I am thankful that I had the chance to hold your little warm body close that night.

Yesterday, your pain was horrible, so it was time to let you go. I didn't want to say goodbye, but I could not bear your suffering, so you were released into eternity. I hope that you are free of pain and suffering now.

Bonkers, you taught me to be happy and enjoy life. You celebrated life, and you made me smile and laugh more times than I can count.

The world is very dark today, since you are gone. Thank you for showing me the way of joy and light. You were an amazing being. I love you and always, will.

You are my baby.
Love,
Toddy

Gay Wizards and Waffle House

Of course Dumbledore is gay.

Anyone with gaydar could have told you that.

Oh, and Kid Rock was arrested after he fought with someone at a Waffle House. I think that if I am ever arrested I would want it to happen at a Waffle House. How perfect.

Or a K-mart. Yes I definitely want to be arrested at either Waffle House or K-mart.

Stay tuned to Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven for the most important news stories of the day. If it has to do with wizards or waffles, I'm all over it.

You're still in the running...

Several lovely bloggers stand before me. But only a few of you can remain on my blogroll to the right. I had to make some cuts. A few bloggers have gone away. Bloggers sometimes kill their own blogs (murderers), so I had to delete a few inactive links.

The good news is that some of my links just needed to be updated because blogs moved. So to those still in my blogroll, congratulations. You are still in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Blogger.

Computer Trouble

I am finally learning how to post videos to my blog. It was incredibly easy. What was I so afraid of?

French and Saunders make me laugh. I adore them. Enjoy!

2 Cakes and a Kiss

On Sunday night The Handsome Prince made a pineapple upside down cake for my birthday. He also cooked up some short ribs that would have made Paula Dean jealous. Delicious!

On Monday night I was at CC Slaughters for Pub Quiz, and Tim the Toddtender brought out a birthday cake with candles. Everyone at the bar sang to me, and I made a wish that came true the very same night. What an amazing kiss...

The only down side was that I had to wear a tiara. But if The Toddtender says I have to wear a tiara, I'll do it. In fact, give me the scepter and ermine cape while you're at it. He followed my instructions and bought me a wonderful scented candle for my birthday, which is exactly what I asked for.

Pony gave me a magical card that grants me free merchandise from IKEA. Tack so mycket, Pony! Let's go shopping!

Juju and Metro, the happy newlyweds, gave me a ticket to a dance performance, but I don't remember the name of the show because I only got to hold the ticket for a couple seconds before Juju snatched it back and said, "I'll hold onto this until the show so you don't lose it." She knows me too well.

9:43 p.m.

Do we have to rush this whole turning 41 thing? I mean, I wasn't even born until 9:43 p.m. that October evening in Kansas City, Missouri. The years seem to be going by faster! Something must be done about it. Perhaps if I reflect on birthdays past, I can forget about the one I'm facing today....

My best birthday party ever was when I was 5. My parents bought me my very own kiddie slide projector, and I had a robot cake, and my cousin Denise was at my party. Denise was at least 10 years older than me, and she was so cool. She had long hair like Marcia Brady, and she wore hippie clothes.

Once when I was in grade school my birthday fell on Columbus day (just like this year) and we go the day off from school! That almost never happened.

I don't know what it was about turning 20, but I remember crying quietly in my dorm room the morning of my 20th as my roommate slept. There was something so sad and dreadful about not being in my teens anymore. So dramatic and silly. I wish I could tell my 20-year-old self, "Dude, you have no idea what's ahead. Please relax and chill out. And just wait till your 36th. Life will give you something to cry about!"

For my 30th, my friends threw me a big surprise party with a yellow brick road and Wizard of Oz cutouts. This was the year I went on the Planet Hollywood/Greyhound Bus lines Wizard of Oz tour. I have never been as surprised as I was that year.

My worst birthday was when CT and I ended our 7 year relationship. That was the big 36. We were about to go to dinner when an honest conversation happened in the kitchen. So instead of having a birthday dinner, we just broke up. Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven was started a few months later. I hoped blogging would help me deal with the pain. (That's a lie. I was hoping I'd meet guys.)

Juju threw a great party for me in 2003, but what I will always remember is the birthday present she gave me that year. Juju got ahold of my address book and contacted friends from my past and present, asking them to contribute to a book she was creating. She compiled wonderful e-mails, pictures and letters from friends into a book and presented it to me at the party.

The front page of the books says:

Toddy,
This book is for you.
These words are about you, from people who love you...You are so well loved.

Every year on my birthday I like to start my day by reading some of those wonderful words from people who love me. Here is something my friend Kathy (from my college "Mad Sheep" days) put in that book that I read this morning...

Congratulations on reaching another birthday milestone. I find if I measure my life by the friends I have rather than the years I'm clocking, I can be overwhelmed by joy instead of grief!

Wow. It really does go fast. I don't know if I really understood how fast time goes until I hit 40. But Kathy really helps me to put it in perspective. Why measure the years? I want to measure my life by my relationships.

Tonight at 9:43 I will take a moment to say thanks for my friends. The people I've loved and hugged and kissed. The friends who have made me laugh. The friends who let me cry. My life is very full of joy, and I am so thankful.

Brothers and Sisters

Last night our Pub Quiz team won the first quiz at CC Slaughters. We were The Streeps, and the theme of the night was Saturday Night Live. We split the pot. (Money, not weed.)

The best part was that we each got a copy of Brothers and Sisters, season one, on DVD. I have wanted to see this show since it started but haven't had the chance. Now I can watch the whole season. I just love doing that - watching an entire season over a weekend and having no commercial interruptions. This will be fun!

Pub Quiz is a fun game and goes way beyond just standard trivia. It creates great interaction with friends and turns a night at the bar into more than just drinking and casual chatting. You get to know people better. Who new that my friend Matty had so much knowledge about SNL?! And Tiara Desmond is one of the smartest people I know, because all our answers matched. The Toddtender seemed to excel at questions involving fashion, sex or drugs. And while I knew random stuff like questions involving Yiddish or Gwyneth Paltrow, I failed miserably at identifying my own birthstone. I was sure the October birthstone was pink (rose) quartz. Thankfully, Matty stuck to his guns and wrote the correct answer - opal.

Speaking of birthstones - in less than one week I will be 41. If you don't believe me I'll show you my driver's license!

Hot Toddy at 40

Bears 2007

What a great group of guys. What a great season.

There I am, all the way in the back. Maybe the reason I became such an attention whore is that I have always been in the back row of pictures. Peeking over everyone else. That's okay. My height comes in very handy at parades.

I played second base on Sunday. That was quite a switch from right field. But I did get to tag two people out, which was fun.

The Toddtender is right in front of me in the picture. Without his encouragement and support, I would never have tried playing softball. Thanks to him, my life has changed. I don't say those words lightly. His direction changed my focus. I learned, through sports, that I can do more than I thought I could. I have learned to look to myself for strength. I've learned to pull from my inner resources instead of seeking help from outside myself. I've learned that I can be strong and powerful. I've learned that I will fight for something when I want it.

I will dive for a ball to stop it from getting away. I'll get dirty and love it. I'll swing at a ball, and if I miss it I will swing again and again until I hit it. If I break my toe, like I did last season (twice), I will get right back out there and try again.

I love being part of a team that truly understands that when we lose, we lose together. And when we win, we win together. This season the Bears definitely won. We were one home run away from 1st place for the season, and that is something to be proud of. Knowing I was part of that makes me proud.

Wow, that was quite a vacation. My experiences in Texas were worlds away from my hiking trip in Oregon.

In Texas I went with my family to the McKinney Ice Cream Cranker festival. In eastern Oregon I played canasta by a mountain lake.

In Texas, I tried not to argue about politics or race with my father. In the Eagle Cap wilderness I drank peppermint schnapps by a campfire.

In Texas, I floated on a raft in the swimming pool for hours at a time. In the wilderness I could barely catch my breath as I hiked the seven miles to the top of the trail.

In Texas, I wore swimming trunks 24 hours a day. In Oregon I wore layers of slightly damp clothing and carried 35 pounds on my back.

There were good and bad moments on both trips. But I am so glad for each experience. I hope to post some pictures soon. Good to be back!

How are you?

Howdy Y'all

Hey - I have been in Texas for the past week getting tan and swimming and getting to know my adorable 5 month old niece. My 5-year old nephew and I hunted for treasure in the swimming pool with a treasure map I brought him. We laughed our heads off.

I have tons of stories. But tomorrow I am leaving for a camping trip in eastern Oregon with The Handsome Prince and The Math Whiz. I'm sure I'll have even more stories to tell.

This morning my dad was taking me to the airport and we blew a tire. Guess who changed the tire? Yours truly. It was scary on a busy Dallas freeway with cars whooshing by, but last year I learned how to change a tire in less than 30 seconds when I signed up for a pit crew training session. My dad was probably shocked when I told him to let me take over the tire-changing process, and I was super speedy. He would never say so, but I think he was kinda proud of me. My father's idea of a compliment is, "Well, son, you have done a lot of things to disappoint me, but at least you have never been on drugs." Thanks, Dad!

If you are interested in listening to my podcast with Pony, check out the Todd & Pony Show. (You don't need an iPod to listen.) We got lots of great comments on our latest show, "The Chris Murray Episode". Several listeners have agreed it is our best show yet, and I think we owe much of the credit for that to charming (and cute) Chris Murray, Juju's husband. You'll love Chris (who I call Metro on this blog). Juju challenged us with a game to see who was the gayest of the three guys. You'll be surprised how it turns out. Maybe....

See you soon!
Love,
Hot Toddy

Drip Pan

This morning I got up and did laundry since I gave Olga (my laundry maid) the week off. Then I tried Morningstar Farms Breakfast Starter (Classic Scramble). That was delicious. I love that I can have potatoes and onions and peppers in my breakfast scramble without having to chop anything.

On to more mundane news. I make coffee in a French press every morning because I love the taste of rich dark coffee. The stronger the better. This morning I noticed that the little "drip pan" (is that what it's called?) under the burner needed to be cleaned. So as the water for my coffee boiled on another burner, I removed the drip pan (I think that's what you call it) and decided that, after I poured the boiling water into the French press, I'd used the remaining water to give that drip pan (I'm calling it that. Try to stop me.) a really good cleaning.

Once the water boiled, I began dumping it onto the drip pan (This is so liberating. Maybe I created a new word?!) and watched the black gunk just drip away. I was really getting into it. So much so that I dumped all the boiling water onto the Drip Pan (I feel powerful. Like God or Harry Potter).

I then realized I had forgotten to pour any of the water into my French press. So I began the process over again.

Isn't that the zaniest story you've ever heard? I should tell that story at parties. I would be such a hit.

I can't think of anything truly zany to report, so for today that's all you get. Just a trivial and mundane story about the hurdles I faced in preparing my morning coffee. Tomorrow I may tell you about a truly wacky experience I had making toast one time. I tell ya, it's a laugh a minute around here.

Completely Random Story

Last night this guy I like gave me a flag of Denmark, and then he drove me home and I kissed him.

This morning, a truck filled with tomatoes drove by my apartment, and I felt a strong temptation to jump out of my third floor window into the tomatoes. I thought about how fun it would be to wrap my naked body in the Danish flag before jumping into the tomato truck.

I would get to appear on the evening news for that stunt for sure.

It has been a while since my last post. However, contrary to the rumors, I was not in rehab. I don't wanna go to rehab. No, no, no.

I was thinking about this blog this morning as I washed dishes. (Perhaps it's the kitchen appliance connection. I don't know.)

There has been a serious lack of content here. But there are other places to find out what's going on with Hot Toddy you know.

Seriously, how much time do I really want to spend talking about myself? I mean, sure, it's fascinating to me, but why does anyone else care that I was having drinks with a guy who told me his hand was fake even though it wasn't, and I believed him?

Who really gives a rip if The Bears (my softball team) are 5-1 so far this season. (For my loyal longtime readers who have stuck with me since before I knew what a softball was, that means we've won five and lost one.)

Blogs are taking a back seat to more interactive communications methods, don't you think? YouTube and podcasts and video blogs are where all the action seems to be now. Sure, I will keep this little toaster oven fired up, because I still enjoy writing. Good old-fashioned words spelled correctly and placed in order to make sentences. That's what I'm talking about.

Let Them Eat Cake

Last night the Toddtender took me to see Patty Griffin perform at the Oregon Zoo summer concert series. He also informed me that he had VIP tickets from someone who works at Patty's label.

As it turns out, our VIP tickets were useless. We were shocked and a little scared when we learned we would have to sit and mingle with the common people. Since we were expecting VIP seating, we didn't bring chairs or a blanket. When I went to rent a couple chairs for us, I was told they were sold out. Apparently the common people had already rented all the chairs.

It was raining, of course. It never rains during the summer in Oregon, unless you attend an outdoor event and have no chair or blanket to sit on. Fortunately, we found some common people who let us sit with them on their blankets.

Patty was awesome, as always. I was moved so deeply by her performance that I must admit I got a bit weepy at a couple of songs. My common friend, Joe, handed me a napkin to wipe my eyes.

Overall it was an interesting experience to do things like sit in a general admission area and deal with parking lot congestion after the show. I tasted common food as well and found the cheeseburger to be a unique and interesting dish. It's just a beef patty with cheese, really. Nothing to be afraid of.

Thank you, Toddtender, for taking me to see this show and for allowing me to observe common people for an evening. But let's take the helicopter in next time. I didn't like sitting in all that traffic.

Fat

One of the most upsetting moments of my life happened about a year ago when I saw a picture of myself that revealed how fat I had become. I won't go into the myriad of reasons I let myself go so much. When I saw this picture of me and The Toddtender leaving his house to drive up to Vancouver, BC for a softball tournament, I felt sick.



Seeing my stomach protruding from under my shirt as I posed with one of the hottest men I've ever known made me feel so ashamed. I am embarrassed to post this picture even now. But the camera doesn't lie.

Last month I once again left Oregon for a softball tournament up north in Seattle. Here is the photo we snapped before leaving.



That's more like it. I'm never going back to those days of feeling ashamed.

I walk four miles a day, five days a week. I get to the gym for weight training and cardio at least three days a week. I still have body fat to lose, so I am taking drastic measures. This sucks so bad, but I am giving up french fries and soda for six weeks. I love french fries, because they go so well with Heinz ketchup. But sacrifices must be made.

If you struggle with your weight, just know that I understand. It is so hard to believe that change is possible. I carried around a belief that I would always be fat. Maybe I will always be large, but I don't have to be fat. Neither do you. Nobody does.

I think that many of us get discouraged because we set unrealistic goals. Sometimes it really does take a year to accomplish the kind of change we want to see in our bodies. You can't expect a six-week crash diet to fix your problems on any kind of long term basis. Stick with it. Don't give up. Send me an e-mail, and I will encourage you.

One blogger who really inspires me is Donnie

Donnie lost 100 pounds, and if you visit his website you kind find links to some of his older web pages. The changes he has made is dramatic, as you'll see by his photos.

Seattle

Jeff, Ryan, Todd and Tim

My roommates on the trip to Seattle were the best.

Saturday night we went to The Cuff, which was five blocks from the hotel. Since I had hurt my leg in the games on Saturday, I decided to leave early so I could go back to the room and rest my leg. I left the bar at 10 p.m.

At around midnight I stumbled into the hotel room. My leg was killing me, and I was starving. Fortunately, my roommates had saved a couple Lean Pockets for me.

Somehow, I took a wrong turn when I left the bar, and I walked my way into a maze of disorientation. I was wandering residential streets several blocks north of my hotel. I couldn't even find anyone around to ask for directions. I watched for a cab, but didn't see a single one drive by. My cell phone was in the hotel room, so I had no choice but to wander.

At one point, I passed an ATM. Showing a complete lack of common sense, I withdrew $100. Somehow it seemed like a good idea to have lots of cash on me as I wandered poorly lit streets late at night by myself. My reasoning, if you can call it that, was that I should have some money on me in the off chance that a cab drove by.

Thank heaven for 7-11. The man behind the counter pointed me towards home, and I arrived exhausted and crabby. The Toddtender, Tim, joked that I was the first to leave the bar and the last to arrive. Ryan said that he figured I had gone home with someone I met.

If anybody had invited me home, trust me, I would have gone with him. I was tired, and my leg was so sore. I would have done just about anything to be in bed. Any bed.

After the tournament, we walked around the market and a kind stranger snapped some photos for us. These guys were so much fun to be with. And I made sure to stick with them for the rest of the trip to make sure I didn't get lost anymore.

First Place

The Bears - Emerald City Classic 2007, Sunday Surge Champions
Seattle, Washington

I let the Toddtender (front row, third from the right) wear my cap for the game, so that's why I'm wearing a CC Slaughters cap. I'm in the back row, next to Joe, who is the guy with the cowboy hat.

I had the best time. I have lots of stories to tell - including one that involves my getting lost for two hours Saturday night after leaving the bar. I was five blocks from my hotel, but it took me two hours to find it.

Now I have a trophy at home. Never thought I'd see the day that I had a sports trophy of any kind!

First Dance

As you know I was a bridesman in Juju's wedding to Metro at the end of May. Every couple of days more photos arrive in my inbox. I love this one of the bridal party. That's me with Carrie, Juju, and her three sisters, Olivia, Colleen and Laura.

One of the best moments at every wedding reception is when the bride and groom share their first dance. Friends and family watch with tears in their eyes. Such happiness fills the room.

As I watched my friends dance their first dance as man and wife, my heart melted. Romance infused the air and I wished I could dance. The song was beautiful. I looked around as people got up from their chairs to dance, but I sat there wishing.

I could have stood up and asked some girl to dance, but my heart wanted to dance with a boy. It was such a romantic moment, and dancing with a girl just wouldn't fit the way my heart felt. That is what being gay is about - not sex - but just a yearning for someone of the same gender. Sometimes you see girls dancing together at a club or a party, but you don't see this as much with men.

Since I don't have a boyfriend, I knew I would just have to wait for something upbeat before I could dance. I would have to miss the slow dance. I would have to miss the very special first dance. All of a sudden, Metro's best man, who is straight, walked over to me as if he read my mind, and he held out his hand. For the first time in my whole life, I danced a first dance at a wedding.

Here he is toasting the bride and groom at the bar after the wedding reception. (Sorry I don't have one with his eyes open)



Thank you for the dance, Gabe. It meant more to me than you could know.

Love,
Hot Toddy