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Friday, May 27, 2005

Call Me Irresponsible

One unique aspect of blogging is that you open yourself up to all kinds of advice, even if you don't ask for it. I've been receiving e-mails and comments from friends who want to ensure my safety and well-being. I'm touched by people who seem to care about what happens to me, even if they've never met me. Whenever someone questions my motives or mentions potential consequences of my actions, I am surprised to see they are raising some of the same questions I have asked myself as I fumble through my life.

In the end, I do what feels right. Sometimes I have to deal with consequences I would rather not face. Often, there are no right or wrong choices when we're faced with personal decisions. We can only take leap after leap in the dark, and wait to see what happens.

Call me irresponsible but,

I will take that twenty bucks The Handsome Prince gave me to gas up my car after driving him to the airport and, instead, use it for a bottle of vodka.

I will let my heart feel warm and excited when a handsome man flirts with me, and I won't worry about whether he'll hurt me later.

I won't feel guilty about calling in sick to work if I don't want to get out of bed because I just want to lay there and listen to the rain.

I will take sixty bucks out of savings if I want to buy my friends drinks and don't feel like worrying about whether I'll need that money tomorrow.

I'll fly to another city to meet a boy, even if there's a chance we won't make a love connection.

If I have a moral objection to eating flesh, I might have a piece of pepperoni pizza when the mood strikes me.

If somebody asks me out, and I'm not sure they are right for me, I might go anyway. You never know.

If my company sends me to a conference, and I want to skip a workshop because I'm listening to the sound of the ocean at a cafe by the beach, I'll sit right there and enjoy myself.

I'll blog about things I "shouldn't" and write about how my heart feels even if it's "too soon".

I will sit in The Vortex at midnight on a Tuesday and listen to music, even if I can barely keep my eyes open and I have to go to work the next day.

I won't be afraid to be tickled or bit or even tied up if it sounds fun at the time.

I'll ski down a slope without ever having had a lesson, even if the only way I can stop is to throw myself backwards onto the snow.

I'd rather hear, "I told you so," than wonder what might have been if only I'd followed my instincts.

"Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark."
Agnes de Mille

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