Keep Your Comments To Yourself

Sometimes I wonder why I even have comments enabled on this blog. Some people say the dumbest things. I agree with Pua's opinion that these people should carry signs warning the rest of us that they're stupid. Then there are the meanies. Meanies criticize and put me down because they don't like the way I look or the things I write or the activities in which I engage. I just deleted a comment today from someone who had nothing nice to say about the picture I posted yesterday. Strangely, though, he did not send me a picture of himself so that I could offer some constructive criticism of my own. Coward.

The other day someone commented that my blog had become boring because I talk about Thor too much. I know that it is much more fun for some people to read Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven when I am miserable or being drenched in beer or going on really bad dates. Yeah, that must be a hoot to read about, but it's not exactly fun to live it! I write to purge my demons and to celebrate my blessings. I write to make fun of things that bug me. I write to help me remember all the worthwhile moments of my life. I write to make you laugh. I write to make myself laugh. I write to connect with my world.

After I write, I like to read through the comments I receive. Most of them are so fun. Many are hilarious. A lot of comments spark correspondence between my blog friends and me. Nearly all of the comments I get kind, sometimes even affectionate and loving, so I can't let a couple jerks spoil my fun. But for the Meanies and Stupid People who are trying to ruin my fun, I have this to say:

Why do meanies never include their e-mail address when they leave hateful comments? I'd love a chance to respond. By respond, of course, I mean that I'll use my God-given gift for making someone feel like an idiot to put them in their place.

Usually a person who criticizes my writing doesn't have a link to his or her own blog. If only they would provide me with a personal homepage link, I could learn how to be a really great blogger like they are.

When I post photos of myself, I'm sometimes told that I don't look like my headshot. I'm never sure how to respond to that. First of all, it's not like I used someone else's headshot. My friend, The Midget, took that picture of me in February of 2003. I did not have a stand-in. I suppose I could try to find a really awful picture of myself and use that on my blog if it would make people feel better. I have plenty of red-faced whiskey drunk photos I could post. But who wants to look at that every day when they open up Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven? I know I don't! I chose a picture that I liked, and then my friend Aaron worked his magic to turn a black and white photo into something new and colorful. Since I love what he did with the photo, I use it on my blog.

Really, if you hate this blog or you think I'm not as good-looking in person as I am in my headshot, or you're bored with my lovelife, you don't need to let me know that. You can just move along. Go get laid or have a drink or seek some therapy. Whatever it is that will help you stop being such a miserable person. Nobody is making you read. And not only will I understand if you choose not to comment, I would encourage you not to. That would be, after all, the most mature and civil thing to do.