Featured Post

Seething Cakes of Hatred

Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Rise and Shine

This morning I had a hard time getting up. I was thinking that, if I were rich, I would hire servants to help me get out of bed. I would have them come in when I woke up and put an extra pillow under my head to elevate me just a little bit. Then I would tell them to come back in 15 minutes and put another pillow under my head. I would have them do this every 15 minutes for about 2 hours until I was sitting upright.

Next, I would have them bring a bowl of water for me to dip my fingers in so I could very slowly and gradually prepare for a full shower. I'd order another bowl of water be brought in 15 minutes for my other hand. Then a bowl for each foot, staggered at 15 minute intervals. After an hour, I'd be used to having a little water on me, so I could have the servants hoist me up and carry me to the shower.

Before I got in the shower, I'd have them feed me a couple morsels of toast so that my digestive system would have time to prepare for the food I'd eat that day. I would also have a shot glass of coffee. During my shower, I'd have another toast morsel and one more shot of coffee. After three or four hours of being primed, I'd jump into my day with a great attitude. I'd be rarin' to go.

The point of this post is that I've realized I may not be a morning person after all.

No comments: