Remember that episode of Dynasty when Alexis threw a beer on Dex, her ex-boyfriend, when she saw him kissing someone else at a bar? No, wait. That's not a scene from a ridiculously melodramatic soap opera. It's my life. And the other night I was drenched in beer by an angry ex-boyfriend.
For a few weeks, I was seeing a guy, let's call him Angry Bear, about whom some of you expressed concern, but I did not listen. That is because when my oven is set to broil it becomes very hard to cool it down, in spite of well-intentioned warnings from others. Friends who see me on a regular basis also told me to be careful of Angry Bear's controlling and obsessive behaviors, but I tried to give him time to prove himself. Last week, he did just that. He proved his true nature and tried his best to hurt me, although he failed miserably.
I understand that Angry Bear is seeing someone new, but it seems I am not to be granted the same good wishes I would give him and his new boyfriend. He seems to be enraged by the fact that I, too, have moved on. I find it interesting that someone can claim to love you while you are sleeping with them, yet the person becomes hateful after you end the relationship. How can you jump so quickly from "love" to "hate"? I think true love should take some time to fade, if in fact that is possible. That has always been my experience, anyway.
As an actor, I try not to shy away from new or unfamiliar experiences since I rely heavily on these personal experiences to help create the characters I portray. So, thanks to Angry Bear, I have more fodder for potential acting roles, now that I know what it feels like to have a drink thrown in my face.
After it happened on a very crowded Thursday evening at CC's, I was not sure how I felt. Was I angry? Embarrassed? Amused? I didn't have much of a chance to label my emotions, because immediately after Angry Bear's tantrum, Thor took me in his arms, licked some of the spilt beer off my neck and gave me the warmest kiss. Thor then made sure Angry Bear was removed from the bar and took me back to his place where, after a hot shower, we slept together for the first time. Funny how a potentially embarrassing situation turned into one of the best nights of my life.
My new friend Non Blogger, who was at the bar that night, sent me an e-mail recounting his version of the wacky hijinx. He tells the story better than I do. So, I'll let him:
Dear Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven:
Man, that was so weird last night at CC Slaughters. The whole Angry Bear thing. What are the odds? Portland is so freaking small sometimes. Consider these weird coinkidinkies:
1. I have known Angry Bear (a little) for a couple years.
2. I saw Angry Bear come in last night, and we did the huggy/kissy thing (and of course he had to pinch my nipple, which he always does)
3. While looking at you, and, admittedly, your boyfriend (WOOF!), I suddenly had an "AHA" moment that YOU were THE Hot Toddy, and he was THE Thor, and your friend was THE Auburn Pisces. Wow!
4. A little later [after I introduced myself], you told me your ex-boyfriend just poured a beer on you and got thrown out of the bar. You said your ex-boyfriend's name was Angry Bear. THE Angry Bear? Yes.
5. Moments later, I'm walking to the other side of the bar and this young guy comes up to me and says, "Have you seen a big guy with a blue t-shirt? He's kind of bearish and has a nipple ring." I replied, "There are 32 guys matching that description over there by the bar."
"Well," said the young guy, "one of them is my boyfriend, Angry Bear, and I'm sure he's cheating on me. He told me I better never cheat on him, but I'm sure he's cheating on me."
"Oh, Angry Bear just got thrown out of here for pouring beer on his ex-boyfriend," I told the young guy.
"What!?" the young guy responded. "Angry Bear did what? Who is his ex? I want to know. Point him out!"
"I can't do that," I responded. "That isn't my place to do. Sorry."
I did, however see fit to run right over and tell you, Hot Toddy, and point the young guy out to you. See, I have already proven my loyalty to you as a friend. Damn, I'm good.
That's it for now. I hope to chat again soon!
I hate bar drama, and I avoid it the same way I avoid John Denver's music. So, in order to enjoy some peace, I plan on spending lots more time in Thor's bed, and less time hanging out in bars. Trust me. It's no sacrifice at all.