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Friday, September 09, 2005

Hot Toddy & The Volkswagen

Last night after happy hour I received a call from Auburn Pisces demanding that I go back to CC Slaughters and turn in my credit card receipt. I had accidentally kept both copies when I signed my receipt. Why did CC Slaughters call Auburn Pisces? How did they get her number? These are questions shared by many. Questions I am unable to answer.

So, after a phone call with Katehopeeden last night, I drove back to CC's with my receipt in hand. During the phone call, I bragged to K about the fact that I never have to get out of the car at the gas station because we're not allowed to pump our own gas in Oregon. Moments later, the gas station attendant told me I had to go pay inside since the computer was down. K was laughing at me. She heard the whole exchange between me and the attendant and mocked me for my lazy pride.

I did not plan on staying at CC's. But between Auburn Pisces waving me over and seeing The Hot Toddtender, and running into an intoxicated Pony, I knew I had to have at least one or two drinks.

All of a sudden, I saw him. The guy in the Superman shirt. He wasn't actually wearing the Superman shirt at the time, but I recognized him from a bout of lust I experienced several months earlier when he had the big S on his chest and his arms begged to be groped. He is muscular and has Mario Lopez dimples. His arms are round and bulging, and his chest is firm. He is built sort of like a Volkswagen.

After we spoke for a few moments, the VW began touching me. Lightly at first, and then rubbing my back, and then reaching for more personal areas. The VW quickly figured out that I have a thing for biceps. Maybe it is because I kept glancing at his biteable arms. As I told VW about my boyfriend, he flexed for me and let me feel his rock-hard muscles. I muttered to myself, "Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor...", but I kept squeezing those smooth tan arms. He opened his shirt and I felt his chest. I knew I was going to be in trouble if I kept this up.

I was invited to the VW's home for a private viewing of his assets. I declined. He moved toward me to kiss me. I turned my head away. A friend remarked that I was sweating heavily. Auburn Pisces mouthed the words, "Do you need rescuing?" I shook my head.

The VW continued strutting and flirting and inviting me to his garage - er - house. I told him that I loved my boyfriend very much. Now, Thor is not threatened by other guys. He once told me that I had his permission to do "whatever you need to do while I'm gone", and yet, when faced with an opportunity to have some fun, I just can't. I know I would feel miserable afterwards.

VW wasn't discouraged by my talking about Thor. He continued with his attentions even after I showed him a picture on my cell phone of Thor and I kissing. "So, you can just call me Thor," he said.

"I'm in love with the man, not the name," I answered.

VW finally gave up. I sat and talked to one of his friends for a while. A really cool guy who asked me lots of questions about my relationship and seemed genuinely interested. Then my phone rang, and it was Thor. Running outside (okay, so maybe I skipped. Shut up. He makes me happy) I began telling Thor all about my night. When I got to the part about my muscular new acquaintance, Thor said, "Well, I hope you felt his biceps at least!"

I told him that I had, indeed, allowed myself this indulgence. He was less comfortable with the idea of VW trying to kiss me, but he seemed happy that I had not given in to the temptation. I've never known Thor to be jealous, and sometimes I wish he would be just a teeny tiny bit jealous. It would make me feel kind of good.

Thor's anger was aroused when I mentioned that VW said I could call him "Thor" if it meant he'd get to take me home. Thor said that if this guy continued messing with me, he would come back to Portland and kick his ass.

I responded without missing a beat, "Get up here! He's trying to pull my pants off right now!" Thor laughed and told me he loved me. Then he admitted that he felt jealous and that he was surprised by his own feelings. We talked about the fact that I'm often viewed by others as "relationship material".

"He's not like you and me, Toddy. He's trying to use you," said Thor. I let Thor know that, whether or not VW was really looking for love or just a hook-up, Thor had absolutely nothing to worry about.

We talked some more and laughed. For a change, neither of us cried. We remembered the nights after drinking at CC's when we would go to his place and climb into bed and hold each other. We talked about how much we miss those typical Thursday nights.

Thor asked me to go give the doorman, J, at CC's a hug and kiss from him. I complied. J seemed a bit embarrassed, but I know he could feel the love from Thor and me.

We finished our talk, I hung up, and my heart jumped up and down inside my chest. "Thor called! Thor called! Thor called!" I love this man so much.

I went back inside, and I noticed that VW had moved on to other targets. I finished my second or third Maker's Mark (Okay, you were right Tim the Toddtender, I will never close my tab after just one drink)and left the bar. I went home feeling proud of myself for practicing self-control. I also went home feeling incredibly lucky to have Thor's heart, his trust, and just a teeny tiny bit of his jealousy.

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