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Tuesday, February 28, 2006

I Feel Fat Tuesday

Cliff Notes for this post (in case you don't have time to read it or can't stand the chaos):

1. It is Mardi Gras.
2. World of Warcraft impacts our vernacular.
3. Conference calls can be frustrating.
4. Something about the L Word and writing novels. Can't make sense of this one.
5. Buy Popular on DVD.
6. Indigo Girls are great, but I really love The Rock.
7. It is Mardi Gras.

It's Mardi Gras. Woot.

The Woot is sarcastic, in case you didn't know. (Do people say "Woot" in real life, or is that just something gamers do when they score awesome items in online games?)

I'm just not into I Feel Fat Tuesday this year. Is it the broken toe or the quitting smoking or the fact that it is Tuesday? Why, oh, why can't we have Samedi Gras (you have to know French to get that).

I came to work feeling aggro. Now, aggro is a term that I first heard from The Math Whiz. I have also heard Auburn Pisces use the term frequently. In World of Warcraft there is a danger in making monsters "aggro" - which means they are provoked to attack.

Anyway, I'm aggro. I called in for a conference call this morning and had to hang up because two ladies on the call couldn't figure out how to log in to the virtual meeting room. After 15 minutes of the poor presenter attempting to help The Stupids, I had to hang up. I figured that, even if they managed to log in, I'd still have to listen to their idiotic questions for an hour. That was just too much for me to handle this morning.

I watched The L Word last night on Comcast On Demand, and the show got me thinking I should write a novel. Jenny the Psycho is going to have her novel published, and I see no reason other than my extreme laziness that I shouldn't write a novel. I wish I could find a novel template in MS Word.

File > New > Template > Novel.dot

"It was the best of times, it was the really most awesome of times."

No, really. If there was a Word template I'd totally write a novel.

Speaking of The L Word, I wish that band, Betty, would never ever be on the show again. I hate them and I hate their stupid theme song. And don't call me anti-feminist because of my hatred. I love women, whether they are gay or straight or transgendered or bisexual, but not if they are too stupid to log in to a conference call.

Seriously, I think lesbians make excellent singers. Melissa Manchester, I mean Etheridge (I always get them mixed up) rocks and, by the way, Melissa's wife was so hilarious as Nicole Julian in Popular. (And if you haven't purchased Popular on DVD yet, what in the hell are you waiting for? How much more do I have to rave about this series before you will understand that you must see it!?)

So, what I'm trying to say is...

Um. Oh, yeah. I love lesbians except for the band Betty, who may or may not be lesbians. I don't know and I'm not going to check and see if they have a website cause I don't want them getting any hits from me. Back to my point about loving lesbians. I love the Indigo Girls so much I would marry them. And, yes, I know it is Indigo Girls, but I think it sounds so stupid to leave out "the". And, yes, I know they would probably not be interested in marrying me. And, yes, I know I could only marry one at a time, so I would probably marry Amy Ray first and then divorce her and then marry Emily Saliers. And then I'd divorce Emily (she'd write a sad song about it) and marry The Rock, and we'd live happily ever after. The legality of a marriage between us would probably not even come up because who in their right mind is going to challenge The Rock on anything? I mean, if he loves me he loves me, and it's nobody's business but ours. Just leave us alone and let us enjoy our beautiful partnership and steamy sex life.

I think I meant for this post to be about Mardi Gras, but it looks like other things came up. There seems to be another committee meeting in my head today. I think it might be a full-fledged summit meeting, actually.

Anway, happy Mardi Gras. Woot.

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