When I am not busy breaking bones or crashing cars, I like to browse the internet. Lately, I've been browsing the most boring horrible websites imaginable. I am talking about automobile websites.
I fell asleep right after I typed that.
Seriously, can you think of anything more boring than shopping for a car? Maybe watching the State of the Union address, but not much else is more boring. Today right after I researched Pearl Bailey's life and career (because one of her songs played on my iPod) I started checking out the market value of my wrecked car. I have a feeling poor Dolly is totalled. I should find out soon. I wonder if they'll let me keep her big bra when they tow her away.
So, I'm looking for my rebound car. Yesterday I told Auburn Pisces that I've started actually paying attention to the makes and models of other cars on the road. I try to imagine myself driving a different vehicle. I know I want something that will sit higher than the average car. At 6'6", I'm tired of folding my body in half to get in a car. I think a roomy truck might be nice. Also very butch. Butch = Sexy.
"Hey, Auburn Pisces. I think I might want to buy a Chevy Tacoma."
"Toyota Tacoma, but very close, Hot Toddy. Good job."
"Or I might want a Jeep Cherokee - those look cool. Unless a Wrangler is cooler. Aren't there Jeep Wranglers, or am I thinking of jeans?"
"Yes, Jeep Wranglers are the more traditional Jeeps. Toddy? Toddy? TODDY!!"
"Sorry, I dozed off for a minute."
So, where do I begin? How should I approach this awful chore of buying a car?
(Bonus points if you can give me car shopping advice without putting me to sleep.)