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Thursday, July 14, 2005

Love Like You've Never Been Hurt

What would you do if you loved someone, and you found out they only had a few weeks to live? Would you change your behavior? Would you try harder to let them know how much you care about them? Would you push them away so it won't hurt as much when they go?

Not to worry, Thor is alive and well and, as far as I know, will be alive for many years. We are not breaking up, and we have only grown closer since we found out some painful news. We have encountered a family situation that means we will be separated for a while, and I have spent the last two days trying to figure out what this means for us.

I am sure I'll be writing more about this situation, but for now, I'll get back to my question. How would you spend your days if you knew time with your loved one was limited? What would you say? How would you act?

After a couple days of crying and feeling sorry for myself, I began searching my heart and wondering how the pending separation would affect Thor and me. Seeing how much Thor was hurting as he told me the news, I made him a promise. I told him that we are still together today, and that we are going to live each day like it's our last day on earth. His eyes lit up with such joy, and I was amazed at the power of the promise I made to him. He grabbed my hands and said, "Really? Do you mean that? We can have fun and laugh and not be sad about the future? You promise!?"

I promise, Baby. I will dance with you in The Vortex the way I always have. I will hold you tightly and whisper into your ear how much I love you. I will make you laugh and watch you shake your head and hear you tell me that I remind you of Lucille Ball when I act goofy. For the time we have left together, I will build you up and encourage you. I'll listen to your stories and soak up all the dreams you share with me about our life together. We can hike and watch animals. We can wrestle on the floor, and I'll let you win every time, but not without a fight. I'll lay between your legs on the couch and watch Oz with you, even though I'll have to look away if it gets too violent. I'll climb into bed with you at night, and we'll hold each other and talk until dawn.

We'll make new memories too. We'll try things we haven't done before, and we'll make sure to experience as much joy as we can cram into our remaining days. We'll still dream about what is to come, and we will know that both of us will come together even stronger after going through what we're about to face.

How will I spend my limited days with Thor? Exactly as I have to this point. I'm going to spend these days loving him with everything I have inside of me.

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