It's a quiet Friday before a three-day holiday weekend, so things are pretty slow. Juju is in her cubicle memorizing the departments from the organization chart. I'm cleaning out e-mails from my work account and running across some interesting messages.
There are several e-mails back and forth between Juju and me from when we lived together. For a while I seemed to be interested in a new guy every week, and I wonder how Juju kept up with them all. I wonder how I kept up with them all!?
Dating was like working at the DMV. Now serving #78, #79, #80....
One day I wrote her this pathetic account:
Stopped on the way to work this morning - - I was sitting in my car at the gas station checking out this really gorgeous guy in a "Lewis & Clark" sweatshirt. He had on a baseball cap - blue, blue eyes - and other nice features :)
I looked down for a second and when I looked back up he was standing there smiling at me. I felt nervous. Then he waved.
I am such a dork! I didn't wave back. I looked down again! I was embarrassed and thought there could be no way he would be interested in me.
I wish you had been there, Juju - you make me feel braver - more Jezebellish. Damn, it is so funny how my insecurity flares up at the weirdest times.
Here's an e-mail I sent her one morning:
Ryan wrote me another e-mail today and mentioned lunch again. I asked him if he needed help moving this weekend, so we'll see.
I also wrote Jim and said hello. I'll wait and see what his response is - if any.
Now serving #92, #93...
Only two days later I sent her this:
Anyway - I called Jim and we are going to the film festival first and then the haunted house thing after that. And I am really looking forward to spending time with him.
I wrote Jose and told him I couldn't go on Sunday and figured we would talk about more in person - I still want to give him a card (that you picked out) and maybe a little gift - some wine or something
Now serving #97...
Later, the same day:
Thank you for the ballet last night. It was so much fun!
I am glad I got a chance to talk to you a bit last night about what I am looking for right now. I just need to keep dating very casual, and I hope you understand.
Yeah, the wine was given to Jose out of guilt for breaking up with him.
A couple months later it was Ivan. Now serving #98...
"Juju - Kara okay was okay. My favorite part was when Arvin dedicated a song to me. "Damn, I wish I was your lover..." by Sophie B Hawkins - wow, that was sooo hot."
2003 was a pretty busy year, but I guess I owed myself some excitement after ending a long-term relationship.
My counter ran out and started over recently. I have no doubt that I am now serving #1. Thor is like nobody I've ever known. Waiting for him makes all the other numbers I've served worth it. How could I truly value what I've found unless I had been through all those other experiences? I'm so happy to be where I am right now. The man I am with can walk into my house and instantly make me feel joyful. His strength makes me hot. I know this sounds weird, but he smells like the guy I'm supposed to be with. And if he heard me say that (or if he ever read this blog) he would laugh and shake his head and say, "my boyfriend" in that fake exasperated way that you only reserve for people you're in love with.