I'm heartsick today. Even though he isn't leaving for a few weeks, knowing that Thor won't be around is looming over me like a death sentence.
It's fun to talk about our dreams of someday being back together, but the future is unknown. I can hope, but I can't count on anything.
Sometimes I act like a child, because something is being taken away from me. Something I cherish and want to keep forever. I hate when I become pouty and needy. It's ridiculous and must be very difficult for Thor to tolerate.
At other times, we laugh and love as if there is no end to our togetherness. We had a great weekend together and made lots of great memories. I danced for him at CC Slaughters while he watched me make a fool of myself to "Hollaback Girl". We ate at his favorite Italian restaurant in town, and he teased me for staring at the waiter's arms. (I told Thor I'd choose his chest over the waiter's arms any day.) We played at home, and we spent most of Saturday night wrapped up in each other on the couch. On Monday we got into a water fight in the front yard of Auburn Pisces' house. AP's daughter, Auburn Aries, teamed up with Thor to drench me in cold water from the hose. The water was freezing, but at least I didn't spill my cocktail.
Every moment Thor and I spend together feels precious, and time is slipping through our fingers. It's as if I can hear a big clock ticking away the seconds, and I hate it. Everyone knows that we aren't guaranteed anything in life. None of us can be sure of tomorrow. We don't know when the people we love may leave us.
I love that I found a man who will make sacrifices to care for his family. I love that he is so sure we are going to be back together someday. I wish I could be more like him, but I am a wreck inside.