Still Whoring After All These Years

As we approach the Ides of March, I find myself, of course, thinking back on the time I spent with my lover, Julius. In my past life, I was Whorus Antonius. Yet, even though that time was thousands of years ago, I find myself still engaging in Whorus behavior.

This morning I was in the shower reviewing my weekend. The part I was mainly reviewing was the part where I gave The Present a back massage on my bed. The Present has the most beautiful back you have ever seen. His skin is almost the same color as The Rock's skin and is so soft and smooth.....um, anyway.

Back to the weekend. We had lots of friends over on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. But this morning, to my horror (and pride) I realized that I slept with four out of five of the men visiting The Vortex this weekend. I am not good at math, but that is like 20 percent at least, right? It is strange to sit in The Whortex Vortex and watch your most recent ex-boyfriend engaged in conversation with someone you carried on an illicit secret affair with for over a year. It is surreal to hear them analyzing you and debating whether or not you exhibit traits of "innocence" in bed. I felt like my fantasy of being invisible and hearing what people say about me was coming true. I could have set myself on fire, and they wouldn't have noticed my presence.

On the way to work this morning, I asked The Handsome Prince and The Math Whiz an important question: "Am I a slut?"

"No," they both immediately responded. I told them about my math calculations (okay, so it's 80 percent) and asked them how many men a person would have to sleep with to qualify for slut status.

The Handsome Prince thinks he knows me so well. Instead of answering my question, he responded with another question. "Are you looking for blog material?"

Like I would ever do that.