I Am Sorry, American Idol

One night last week I was bored, so I watched American Idol. I know, I know. You expect better from me. But I heard The Handsome Prince and The Math Whiz watching it in their bedroom, and they were laughing, and I was lonely with only a bottle of whiskey for a friend, so I gave in and tuned in. Then I started drinking whiskey and actually texting my votes. I had completely lost my mind.

Just when I thought I had reached the depths of shame, I descended even further into inane texting behavior. I signed up for American Idol Text Message Trivia. This is something I deeply regret. I'm more ashamed of this than I am of the drunk message I left my ex one night: "Youuuu arrre shuch a shelfish person, CT. I am drunk right now, but shooo what. You shelfish bastard..."

Now, for the past week, I've been receiving these annoying text messages from someone at American Idol Trivia Central. I imagine a room filled with workers with tiny thumbs texting trivia questions all across the land. I think my Trivia Question Asker's name is 60200 or something like that. I don't know if she is a robot or what, but she has been really busy typing out these trivia questions and sending them to me. I try to respond (even though I haven't watched the show since I signed up for trivia) and sometimes I guess correctly. 60200 is very encouraging when I get the right answer. "Super! You got it right!"

If I get the answer wrong, she's gentle but firm. "Nope. The answer was B". As soon as I answer a question, another question arrives, and my cell phone doorbell chime tone goes off to let me know.

60200 never seems to run out of questions. And I'm totally making up answers, but I don't think she has figured out that I'm not watching the show anymore. This morning I received a message that stated I could end the stream of American Idol trivia by replying with the word "Stop".

I typed "Stop" and paused for a moment before sending my message. How was 60200 going to feel when she saw my reply? Would she be out of a job? What if she was the personal trivia question asker assigned to me? More importantly, what if she was starting to have feelings for me? What if she considered us to be friends?

So I deleted the word "Stop" and typed, "I appreciate all you've done 4 me. I am done playing trivia now."

Three more trivia questions arrived. I replied, "Okay, thx. Enough for now! U have been great, tho!"

A couple more questions about Paula Abdul's outfit and Simon's critiques arrived. "No time to play, 60200! Love U! C ya!"

Another question popped up. I replied with a single word.

"STOP"

My phone went silent. The week-long trivia game ended as quickly as it had begun.

And now I feel so rude.