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Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven - The Cliff Notes

I received a comment yesterday from ~Pred asking if my housemates, The Math Whiz & The Handsome Prince, are a couple. I realized that I may need to recap who I am and what I'm about for those who are new to Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven.

For those lazy students who refuse to go back and read from the beginning of this blog, I will accommodate your lack of motivation. That's just the kind of guy I am.

Here is our story so far:

For the first few months of blogging I wrote about all the bitterness and sadness I experienced after I split with my partner of 7 years, CT (Cheater Thief). Then I started whoring around and writing about dates and hook-ups and flirtations. Due to a severe lack of discretion, I began writing about a blogger who captured my romantic interest. I wrote about things I shouldn't have, and when things didn't work out between us, I went into another tailspin.

After that, I spent a lot of time writing about my roomie, Juju, who always took great care of me. Sadly, I never took care of her the way I should have so she went and found a straight guy who could give her what she needed. Sex, for one thing. So, Juju moved in with Metro, and I changed my blog URL to commemorate my friendship with her. Then I moved in with my best friend, The Handsome Prince, who told me that his boyfriend would probably not move in with us for another several months. A week after I moved in with The Handsome Prince, he told me his boyfriend, The Math Whiz, was moving in the next month. So now I live with a couple like Cher did in Silkwood, and we have a cool back porch we call The Vortex, because once you sit down under the lights and the disco ball you can't leave.

Not one to learn from past mistakes, I started seeing another blogger in the summer and wrote about that incessantly. When that didn't work out, I went into my third tailspin and bored my readers to tears with stories and song lyrics and romantic hoo-hah. Then I went to meet a bunch of other bloggers and had mostly a great time, but still ended up going into a fourth tailspin. I go into tailspins a lot because it is easy and I'm good at it.

Then I had this major epiphany and got a bunch of great e-mails from people and decided to quit being so morose and self-indulgent and depressed. Then I won a Best of Blog Award (BoB) and got really conceited and started stepping all over the little people in a power hungry drive for prestige.

Then I got a new job that required me to actually work for a living instead of just blogging and e-mailing people all day. I began to stress. I stopped updating my blog as often as I wanted to. I wrote silly stories. I went into less detail about my dating life. I started writing short choppy sentences.

I'm not sure how long this creative dry spell will last, so if you get bored you may want to read some of my old entries, which I've listed to the right. Or you could check out some of my blogger friends in my links.

The only other thing you really need to know about me to enjoy this blog is that when I was in third grade my teacher was trying to show us how to do long division, and as I was staring at the chalkboard I started thinking about that scene in The Exorcist when Regan vomits that pea soup stuff all over the place. I was making a horrible face, I guess, as I pictured the disgusting vomit, and my teacher stopped her lesson to ask if I was having difficulty grasping the concept of division. I lied and said that, yes, I was having difficulty with division, but I was really just having difficulty with the gross mental images in my head. So she started over from the beginning of the lesson just for me, but I'm still not good at math.

Also, I have Attention Deficit Disorder.

There, now. Do you feel all caught up? Did I miss anything? If you still have questions about Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven, let me know. I'll respond if I remember and if I don't get distracted by something else before I

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