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Seething Cakes of Hatred

Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Inner Monologue: CC Slaughters

Tuesday Night, CC Slaughters. 9:00 p.m.

"I can't believe I have been here for five hours. Damn this Maker's Mark. I have to make sure I get home before 9 or 10 at the latest so I can work out in the morning. I'm not going to let anything or anyone derail my plans. Who is that guy? Oh, it is that friendly man with the sparkly blue eyes. He shaved. He looks good. Here he comes. Nice smile! Too bad I have declared my independence. Now he's talking to me about his blue corvette. He has no idea I'm not interested in cars...

What's that? He saw me in 10 Naked Men? Four times!? And he's seen me in other shows too? Now he's telling me that he has had a crush on me for a long time, but he couldn't act on it because he was with partner. And now he's single. Great, just what I need. Too bad I declared my independence.

He wants to take my camping. Damn it. I have always wanted to go camping and have never been. I want to go camping with him. But, no, I can't. What? A dinner date? Oh, what harm could there be in dinner? Okay, I will go to dinner with him, but that's it.

Now he's telling me he asked a lady on the theatre board of directors about me. He wanted to know more about me? That is so sweet. Too bad I declared my - wow, he is leaning in for a kiss. How can I resist a kiss from someone with such a great smile who has had a crush on me for - is that his tongue? Oh, this is bad. And really good.

What is he doing. Is he pulling on my hair a little bit as he kisses me? That's not fair. No, I can't do this. Maybe I can just put my hand on his chest and push him away. Wow, he has a nice chest. Push him away, Todd. Push him away! No, not quite yet. This feels good. Better stop. Come up for air. Maker's Mark! Drink your Maker's Mark!!

It feels good to breathe again. But he's still talking about how he tried to get his friends to arrange for us to get in a conversation at the bar one night. And his friends had to help him get up the courage to come talk to me. Oh, man. This is getting worse. Why, oh why did I declare my independence? This is the worst possible timing.

Did he just ask me how I got to be so beautiful? Yes. Yes, he did. This is too much. And he owns three businesses and a corvette and a truck and he has these sparkly blue eyes and is a great kisser, and he doesn't live with his parents and he loves watching me perform and wants to take me camping.

Go home with you? No way. No, not tonight. I'm independent. Okay, he's willing to wait. Good answer. Maybe I can remain independent after all. I can just relax.

Well, at least until after our dinner date..."

Wednesday Morning at CC Slaughters. 1:00 a.m.

"I am so calling in sick tomorrow."

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