To my hot bartender, The Toddtender: I am sorry that last night I said your beard was getting too thick and that it was becoming "Santa Claus-ish".
To my housemate, The Handsome Prince: I am sorry that I overslept this morning and made you worry that I wouldn't get up to help you move our broken refrigerator into the garage. It was hard to motivate myself to replace the broken refrigerator in the kitchen with the broken refrigerator in the garage because we have made this same switch three times, and every time we exchange refrigerators it seems the one that was working while sitting in the garage immediately stops working when we get it into the kitchen and, frankly, I don't pay enough rent to take on this extra hassle, but you are my best friend so I know I should help you when you need me.
To "The Present" I unwrapped Saturday night: I am sorry that I didn't go into more detail about your stunning good looks and great personality, because I know you are almost as much of an attention whore as I am, but I can't allow myself to obsessively blog about you, because that always ruins everything. But you are right, it was "fetch".
Do I owe anyone else an apology? If you feel I have wronged you in some way, now is a good time to let me know since I am feeling penitent.