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Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Am I Evil?

Recently someone I respect sent me an e-mail and suggested I remove the 43% Evil banner from my website. He is someone who takes signs and symbols very seriously, and he advised me to use caution about having the pentagram on my site.

I really would like feedback from people about this. I don't want to needlessly offend anyone who reads this blog (it isn't that important to me to keep the banner) but I am also hypersensitive to acting on the spiritual beliefs of others.

After receiving my friend's e-mail, I began to think about my evil ways, and I realized that I might be more evil than I thought. I mean, it's not like I would try to benefit from my boyfriend's birthday like some people, but I do have a dark side. Here is evidence:

1. I was thrilled to be at the center of controversy when somebody found my phone number on his boyfriend's cell phone. (Check the June 1st Entry - his permalink isn't working properly and he doesn't know what a permalink is. He isn't very bright).

2. I talk about other bloggers behind their backs. A lot.

3. I told Juju that the next time we try to shop at Trader Joe's on a crowded weekend I am going to bring hydrochloric acid to throw on people so they'll get out of my way.

4. Every time I forget to say a line (hardly happens) in the show I'm doing, I lie to the director and tell him The Handsome Prince told me the line was cut.

5. I watched porn more times last weekend than I ran my lines for the show. (See #4)

6. I haven't read some of the blogs on my blogroll for over a month. Yet I claim to worship them.

7. I sometimes want to steal other people's boyfriends. But I would never do that.

8. Recently, I slept with someone else's boyfriend. Accidentally.

9. Sometimes I lie and say things happen accidentally when they really happen on purpose.

10. I forgot to show up for my dentist appointment this morning. Accidentally.

11. Secretly, I try to find ways to kill the grass in our yard so I don't have to mow as often. Dragging heavy things across the grass and peeing in the yard are two methods I employ.

12. I take more than my share of free condoms from the bar.

13. I say that I am nicer than Jesus.

14. I really believe I am nicer than Jesus because I never flip over tables in the marketplace or shout angrily at Pharisees.

15. I left work for a couple hours today because the Internet was down, so I couldn't blog.

16. I haven't been to the library in over two months, because I don't want to pay my $6.00 late fines.

17. I once dated someone who has a really small penis, and I tell this to people who know him.

18. If somebody is annoying me by talking too loud at work, I dial up an outside line from my desk and call them. Then I hang up as soon as they answer their phone. This often distracts them so much they forget to continue their loud conversation.

19. I haven't bought AA batteries for my headphones in over 2 years because I get them at work for free.

20. I tell the administrative assistant who provides me with batteries that I use them in my company pager.

21. My company pager is no longer in service because I reported it lost over a year ago.

22. I never told them I found the pager in the backseat of my car a few weeks after I reported it lost.

23. I can't remember why the pager would be in the backseat, but I was probably doing something evil.

24. One of my friends left a shirt in my car, but I haven't tried to find the owner because whoever it is smelled really sexy and I kind of like sleeping with this shirt.

25. I have been late to work every day since my boss went on vacation.

Now that I've compiled this list, I must admit that I'm surprised I'm only 43% evil. Maybe I should leave the pentagram?

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