Anniversary Gifts

Just got an e-mail from my college buddy, JB. He writes about those horrible gifts we all get from our companies to "reward" us for our years of service. Here is JB's e-mail with some minor editing for clarity:

Tonight, as I mentioned, is the Staff Christmas party. I'm going to receive
some sort of prize for making it 5 years here. I know that I've already
mentioned that I start my 7th year on January 2nd, and I do understand that
rules are rules, but do you think they should have created a special
category for me, since I'm days away from the 6-year-mark yet only receiving
my fifth year award?

When my wife got her five year award (AT LAST YEAR'S FACULTY CHRISTMAS
PARTY!!!) they gave her two nice wooden coasters in a nice little wooden
holder. Great gift. Now she can entertain another person in her office, and
both may enjoy beverages. If a third person shows up (what a breach of
etiquette that would be!!) they may not have a beverage unless they provide
their own coaster. This extra coaster should, in the spirit of the occasion,
match the other two in the set. It would be bad manners to have an even
nicer coaster (like that is possible) than your host.

JB is great, and his observations are a beautiful thing. The wooden coasters caused me to reflect on some of the rewards I have received at work:

Large gold star paperweight that says, "Privacy Champion" and has a picture of a dog on it. The dog is named "Privacy Pete".

Plastic clock/thermometer/calendar. I do not know what I did to deserve this "reward", but I am sure it was helpful and significantly increased our profits.

Countless paper certificates, suitable for framing. One is a Privacy Pete certificate. As if the paperweight wasn't enough of a reward.