A few quick announcements before I leave for the holidays:

1. To the clueless people who visit my office building:
"Please pay attention to where you parked your fucking car. At the end of a long day, the last thing I want to do is ride an elevator that stops on every single parking garage level because you can't remember where you parked. I feel like smashing your face in when you poke your head out of the elevator just to see if any of the landmarks in the three identical elevator banks jog your so-called memory.

2. To all the gay guys out there who hit on my straight friends but won't talk to me, a good-looking single gay guy:
"I hope you die alone."

3. To all the SUV-driving, Santa-hat-wearing, rhinestone-studded-Christmas-sweatshirt-wearing suburban housewives:
"Are you done with your Christmas shopping now? Is it safe for ME to go to the mall yet?"

Have a joyous holiday and god bless us everyone!