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Seething Cakes of Hatred

Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Painkiller, anyone?

I woke up this morning aching from Monday's workout. Thankfully, the pain reliever did the trick nicely, and I was able to move throughout my morning routine with a minimal amount of pain. That is, until I sat down and tried to watch the morning "news".

I don't know where it comes from, this gnawing uncomfortable guilty conscience of mine. As if I am somehow personally responsible for the earthquake in Iran or the ephedra-related deaths of those athletes. Does everybody feel this way when they watch the news? Evidently not. I tried to feel nothing as I watched the news this morning. It would be much more soothing if I could just sit and take in the information without feeling anything, the way the media intends for me to do it.

I imagine that many people are watching the Today show and are actually having quite a good time. "Oh, that Matt Lauer is just so cute. He looks nice with his haircut. I wish Katie Couric were not on vacation today, oh, but she deserves a break. She works so hard. Wow, her replacement, that Chinese or Asian or Japanese woman, Ann, really needs to get her hair done. Katie's hair always looks so nice. Oh, a news story! Well, thank God they have this Mad Cow disease under control. The lady from the Department of Agriculture makes me feel so much better. Oh, they were slaughtering sick cows and feeding them to us but now they are promising to stop doing that? Oh, good. Gosh, those iPod things looks so high-tech and fun. I should get one! I wonder what they do?"

I envy those people in a way. Sometimes I wish that my heart didn't feel like it was going to break when I watched the news and listened to reports about the 30 million animals slaughtered to feed us every year. Sometimes I wish that I didn't want to scream when I see stories of people who were dishonorably discharged from the military after years of service during World War II simply because they were guilty of being homosexual.

Mostly, I thank god that I can feel something. Anything. So many people make such an effort to ensure I remain numb and unfeeling. It hasn't worked yet, and hopefully never will. Not that I don't take my share of painkillers! Judge Judy, Maker's Mark, Playstation 2 and American Spirit. The Fab Four.

So, here is to a new year. I don't plan on giving up anything, but I will try to watch the morning news without relying on a bottle of whiskey to help me cope. That's the best I can do for now. Happy 2004...

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