Come sit on my lap and let me hold you for a moment. I want you to know I'm very sorry I lied to you. I didn't want to. I was forced into telling you lies about Friday night's date by two very bad men.
The Handsome Prince and Pony both thought it would be funny to write about the date as if it were horrible. Actually, Pony reminded me that it was, in fact, my idea to write a mean blog entry. But after the date, which was fun and fantastic, I changed my mind. I told THP I changed my mind, and he vetoed my decision. "You have to write a funny blog about it. You have to."
Then I called Pony. "I don't want to be mean. The date was too nice. I had too much fun," I whined.
"You have to write a funny blog about it. You have to," said Pony.
So, Toaster Oven readers, that is my confession. I'm sorry. Now that I have apologized, please get off my lap. You're hurting me.
Not enough for you? You say you want me to list all the lies I told you? Geez.
You know what? If that's what it takes to get you to actually click on the little icon at the top right of this blog and vote for me so a blog about GIVING MASSAGES doesn't beat out Toaster Oven, fine.
Lies I Told You:
1. I lied when I made Pony sound rude.
Pony, although arriving early, knocked at the door politely. He didn't climb through my window. I was naked when he got there, but I did run to put on a robe before opening the door, and he was apologetic about being early.
2. I lied when I made Pony sound stupid.
He was actually doing the whole chivalrous door-opening thing. And he played "One More Night" in the CD player after I got in the truck. As I mentioned Friday, that was the theme of my high school prom date that went horribly wrong. Then he handed me a champagne flute. He had written "One More Drink" in cursive on the side. It made me smile and laugh. Then it made me want to cry because it was sweet. But I didn't cry, and that isn't a lie.
3. I lied when I said Pony threw beer and bowled my frames at the bowling alley.
He was fair and honorable. And he didn't get an attitude when I gave him advice about using the arrows on the alley to help guide the ball. We tied the first game, which almost never happens in bowling. He beat me the second game. And, I'm sorry to have to say this, but I wiped the alley with Pony on the third game. He is very competitive, that's true. I'll probably be challenged to a rematch, which would be fine with me.
4. I lied when I said Pony undertipped.
He paid for bowling, for dinner, and for drinks (you can imagine how much that costs my dates). He is generous to a fault.
5. I lied when I said Pony gave me flowers from a graveyard.
He gave me two CDs of music that he had burned just for our date. There was some awesome music on there. He put Strawberry Wine on the CD as a tribute to my drink of choice at high school prom.
At the end of the night he was hinting that if we were to go on a second date I would be required to do the asking. Since he TOLD me we were going out, it would be my turn to take the initiative. Because I have the attention span of a fruit fly, I almost forgot to ask him out. He had to drop one last hint before he left my house, which means we'll be having a second date.