Typical

Last night was just another typical night. A drunk guy at the bar showed me how to swing a golf club. He brought his own golf club to the bar. I guess that is his gimmick. As I attempted to imitate the stance he showed me, he stood behind me and tried to "loosen me up". Yeah, it's pretty much what you're picturing.

After I learned to swing a golf club at the bar, I talked to a lesbian about cats and dogs. Then I bought a drag queen a drink. She had enormous feathers on her head. After that, I got an urgent call from a boy I used to date. He wanted to come inside CC Slaughters but didn't have money for the cover charge, so I helped him out. Then I cheered him on in the "Mr. Dixi Normous" contest, which he should have won but didn't.

After golfing and talking about animals with a lesbian and buying a drag queen a drink and rooting for my former boyfriend to win a big penis contest, I went home and had phone sex with a guy who called me from Afghanistan. Just another typical night in my life.