Undergrad Attention Whore

Today is a beautiful day in Portland. The weather has been amazing for the past several days, and the warm breeze blowing through The Vortex comforts me as much as the sunshine that is, thankfully, lightening my hair to its more appealing light blonde shade.

That was such a gay sentence.

I remember springtime in college. I attended a liberal arts college in Kentucky, and our campus was so beautiful, especially in the spring. Every day after lunch, my "wonder twin", Jan, and I would lay out in the sun before our afternoon classes. Since we generally only had 10 minutes between lunch and our class, we just plopped down fully clothed on the sidewalk right in front of the education building.

I have this theory that people either fear or hate me and my Wonder Twin. When this tradition first began, the other students would stop and ask what we were doing laying on the sidewalk. (Before I continue with this story, please know that I have no concept of how to use lie, lay or laid - so deal with it. I'm too lazy to look it up. In fact, I wish I could lay down right now. Or lie down.)

So, my Wonder Twin and I would explain to curious passers-by that we were laying out in the sun before our class. They would then step over us (we were always positioned right in front of the entrance stairs) and shake their heads.

As the weeks went on, people stopped asking why we were lying/laying on our backs on the sidewalk. They would just say hello and step over our prostrate bodies.

Being an attention whore can come in handy. Our shenanigans, as we called them, kept us from being arrested on one occasion. One Friday night my Wonder Twin and I hid in a shopping mall in Lexington, Kentucky until after it closed. We wanted to see what it would be like to wander the mall after closing hours. But a security guard caught us, and we were so afraid we were going to be in big trouble. The guard threatened to call the police and chastised us for hiding in the mall, but he suddenly stopped yelling and looked at us with faint recognition. "Hey, aren't you two the ones who lay out in front of the education building after lunch? You guys are awesome!" The guard happened to be a student at our college during the day.

As a show of unity, I think everyone who reads this should lie/lay/low down in front of a public building this afternoon right after lunch. You won't get in trouble. Trust me.

Maybe today after lunch I can convince Auburn Pisces to lay out with me...