Hot Toddy's inbox has been pretty busy lately. I've received many e-mails from friends expressing a similar point of view that love will only come to those who do not search for it.
I feel as though I need to explain a couple things. First of all, I am not one of those guys who desperately dates anything, pardon me, anyone dumped in his path. I am holding out for someone who really captures my attention, and right now there is nobody who is making me broil. I don't compromise my basic dating requirements of honesty, intellect, physical attraction and maturity. I also don't ask for a commitment until both of us want that. In fact, I have never asked for a commitment from anyone, but I have agreed to commit in the past, when asked. Just because I blog about wanting a relationship doesn't mean I'm telling the hot bartender at CC Slaughters that I want one with him. Oh, I guess there is one person making me broil, so forget what I said a minute ago. But, I promise, I'm not desperate.
You still have questions for me? Let's open up the phone lines and hear what some of you have to say.
Go ahead caller.
Q: Hot Toddy, are you looking for someone to complete you?
A: Absolutely not. I am probably already way too complete. I think I'm a bit more than most guys can handle. I fill up a room pretty well on my own. What I am looking for is someone I can share with. I'm interested in finding someone who wants to interact emotionally, physically and intellectually with another man on a regular basis. I don't want to be completed so much as I want to exchange, share and give to someone else. Of course, I wouldn't complain about finding a rich famous guy who wanted to pay for me to travel the world with him. You know, as payment for all the love he gets from me.
Let's take another call!
Q: Hot Toddy, first let me say that you are very cute and I would totally love to date you, but I live three zillion miles away and have a partner. Anyway. Don't you think that love comes when you stop looking for it?
A: Well, I have some questions about that, and let me know if you ever break up with your partner and move closer to Oregon. The whole topic of relationships is fascinating to me. I've always been this way. When I was a kid, my Matchbox cars were divided into boy cars and girl cars. And they want on dates. When I went to the grocery store, I paired the groceries together on the conveyer belt at the checkout. I pretended they were couples going to a party. Ketchup and Mustard were pretty hot and heavy for years. Hot dogs dated Buns, of course. I never really found a good boyfriend for Carrots. Peas had a crush on Corn, so Carrots usually went solo.
The way people connect, the chance meetings, the unexpected romance - it's intriguing. I don't pretend to think I am normal. I forgot to mention that I used Old Maid cards to play "The Dating Game". Anyway.
Why doesn't love come if you look for it? Every time I have dated someone I have had this same open heart of wanting it to work. One relationship came to me when I deeply wanted it, and it was a good one that lasted a long time. For me, that instance negates the whole idea of love only coming when I don't want it. That's not ever the way it has happened for me.
If you don't ask for something, you're almost guaranteed of not getting it, aren't you? If I sit at home not looking for someone to love, I'm pretty sure there won't be many dates in my future. I believe the first step to finding love is to open your heart to it and say, without apology, "I want this, and I will have it."
Here's another caller. Go ahead!
Q: Um, hi. I hear voices in my head sometimes, and I think my phone line is being tapped by the CIA. But that's not why I'm calling. I just wanted to say that I think you are wrong. You should never say you want a relationship. Especially, don't ever say that to another person you might be interested in. They will run if you tell them that. Okay, bye.
A: Thanks, schizo! Let me explain something. Unless you are The Rock, I will not tell you I want a relationship with you as soon as I meet you. But I don't think it is wrong to express your heart's desires to someone, whether it is a friend or a potential lover.
I hear people say things like, "I really want another job. I would be much happier in a different line of work." How come nobody ever replies, "You just have to stop looking for it. Do nothing. It will come to you. Above all, don't tell anybody you want a new job! If you seem too eager, nobody will hire you." Oh, and sorry about the voices in your head, but I am not authorized to prescribe medication.
Hold on, there is another caller who has something to say.
Q: Hot Toddy, you idiot. You suck. You can't be happy on your own. You're pathetic. I'm slamming the phone down now, but you can't tell because it's a cell phone.
A: Thanks for the call. I do suck, it's true. It's one of my favorite things to do. As for being pathetic and unhappy, I have to disagree. I'm one of the most fun happy people you'll ever meet, you grouchy loser. Sure, I've been a bit more introspective lately than usual. But I just broke up with someone and, see, when I date someone I give my heart. Giving your heart sets you up for some pain, but I think it's worth it. It doesn't matter if I date a guy for a month or three months or a year, I go out with him because I like him. So, it hurts when it doesn't work out. I find this to be pretty rational behavior. You should have seen the way Mustard fell apart after Ketchup dumped her for Barbecue Sauce that one time. The thing is, Mustard met Pickles and the chemistry was undeniable. They are still together, and as soon as condiment marriage is legalized, they plan on making it official.
That's all we have time for today. I look forward to next time when we will explore an entirely different subject...
Stalkers: Are they criminals? Or just very enthusiastic romantics?