Featured Post

Seething Cakes of Hatred

Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Thursday, November 18, 2004

The Perfect Weekend

I know lately it seems all I do is talk about love. I told you this would happen! It is NOT my fault. Venus is in Libra right now, people. Do you have any idea what that means? My ruling bitch planet is sitting smack dab in the middle of my ruling sign. It's beyond my control, so please cut me some slack.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll get over it soon enough. I am leaving town for a few days. I'm sure I won't think about love at all, because I am just going to be spending time in the beautiful moonlit mountains under the stars attending a freakin' wedding and sleeping alone in my romantic room at the beautiful bed and breakfast. So don't worry about me. I plan on walking around saying, "Gee, I sure hope nobody here wants a relationship. Cause I'm not looking for one. It's the last thing I want right now. I hate the idea of falling in love. I just want to be alone, for god's sake."

Think that will trick Venus?

I really do need a break from all this nonsense. I realize I've been obsessed lately. This isn't the Toaster Oven's usual permanent horny broil setting. This is an all out "When-Harry-Met-Sally-Joe-vs.-The-Volcano-Sleepless-in-Seattle-Every-Other-Tom-Hanks-Meg-Ryan-Movie" romantic seizure. It will pass. Given enough whiskey and several hours in front of my Playstation 2 with Final Fantasy X2, I'll be able to clear my head and get back to the things that are important. Regular workouts at the gym, eating better (and more) food, drinking less. All the stuff I was doing back in June before I got off track.

Unfortunately, I don't know if this weekend will help. Nine years ago I had a few nights of passion with a guy in Texas who really cranked up the heat in my oven. I stopped seeing him because he had a boyfriend already, and I was feeling too guilty. But he is supposed to be coming to this wedding and is currently unattached. What if we're staying in the same hotel? Anything could happen. It has been nine years since I've seen him, so who knows if we'll still have the chemistry.

Oh, Lord, when will you dry up this river of horniness I see before me?
(Margaret Cho homage)

The good news is, I won't have to use my cell phone to call for advice or help since some people around here just "feel my energy" and know when I need them.

Hey, I'll see you next week. I promise not to talk about love. I'll also bake those pumpkin squares, do your algebra homework and rotate your tires for you when I return.

I LOVE YOU!!! Bye!

No comments: