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I'm heading to New York City on Friday, but I'm not titling this post something cliche like "Start Spreading The News" or "If I Can Make it There" or "Regular Coffee Has Cream In It" because I'm sure others have used those titles for blog entries already.

This week I doubt I'll be able to write about anything other than my upcoming trip. I haven't been to New York for about 8 years, and I'm really looking forward to meeting all my fans and stalkers.

Several friends have written to ask what I would like to do while in New York. I have given it a lot of thought, but it is hard to provide my friends with input because I'm mainly going there to make out with people. It has been months since I've made out with someone. It seems like it's easier to get someone into bed than it is to entice them to make out. But I think I will have better luck in New York. If I can make out there, I'll make out anywhere.

I'm sorry about that last sentence. I was pushed away from my keyboard by a vaudeville comic named Shecky or Bucky or Hermy or something. He had me physically restrained as he typed. Thankfully he was removed by a large hook, so it's me back at the keyboard now.

Of course I am looking forward to the sites and sounds of New York. I definitely want to see The Statue of Liberty and Mount Rushmore while I am there. Hopefully, I will have some time to wander through The Castro and visit Jim Morrison's grave too. Of course I can't wait to taste some New Yorkish food. I want to have some chili mixed with spaghetti, which I hear is all the rage, and I want it at 4 a.m. because nobody ever sleeps there.

It is really amazing to me that there is a whole city where nobody sleeps. Somehow, it makes sense, though. Sleep deprivation definitely explains some of the strange blog entries I've seen from New Yorkers. As we say in my gang here in Portland, Oregon, "New Yorkers are Whack". Yep, me and my gang say that all the time. Then we go throw rocks through the windows at Starbucks.

I am looking forward to meeting lots of whack New Yorkers. And when I say "meeting", I mean "making out with", of course.

And when I say "making out with", I mean "moving in with and marrying" of course.